b Purely Gibberish: October 2006

Monday, October 30, 2006

Currently Listening To:

Tracy Chapman's. OMG the songs are beatifully written and sung. Guess who lend the CD to me saying,"Farah, do you listen to Tracy Chapman? The songs are good you know". Owh, it's Mr Adam - again. I thought I am over him. Well I guess I am not. For the record, he is not whom I meant in the previous "I shall Cry" entry. Hope everyone is clear on that ya.
Did I not tell you? I went to his house yesterday. Haha. When I called and told him I was coming over, he was like, "why do you want to come to my house Farah?". I was like, "I don't know, I just feel like visiting you". Haha..me and my spontaneous act. Sometimes I am afraid that I will do something silly that I will regret- owhh, wait. Too late, been there done that. Stupid. Stupid.

Currently, I don't know what am I going to do with the situation anymore. I am not losing hope yet , and I am praying for the best. For all of us. If that means I have to go away or move out or whatever to make everyone happy, I am willing to. As long as the rest are happy. I miss their happy faces. I've always been afraid of my own emotions and how I will act when it's out of control. I can be a nuisance-big time. Everything is in jeopardy now-especially a beautiful friendship that I cherish the most. Thanks to me.

At time like this, when all that have left are loneliness, tears and wounded hearts; I wish and pray that I could turn back time. When these were never had happened, alas it's too late. I did what I did, being selfish, childish and stupid as I always am. I hurt every single one of you.
To my dear friends, I have nothing else to offer you but my most sincere apologies for causing all the hurt, pain, anger and frustration..please, forgive me. I beg you, please forgive me for what I've done. Please..

Let it Rain ~Tracy Chapman

Let it rain
As I walk these streets unknown
To no one named
Not even myself
When I'm low

Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

Let it go
No mother no father no home
Forget as all others
Have forgotten
When I'm alone

But give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Let it come
Love that lifts me up
Pain that brings me down
Everything I'd ever want and don't
When I'm not strong

But give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

Let it rain
Let it flood these streets and wash me away
To where it makes no difference who I am
Or what the future holds
When I don't know

But give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most
Give me hope
That help is coming
When I need it most

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Official Cat Lady.

hello people! Say hi to MoMo, my official new cat. Well, that's what I call her anyway. She actually never responded when I call her that, hence I believe MoMo actually has a real name-something. Either that or she is deaf. Anyway, I don't know what MoMo's real name is. I found her, well she actually found me or whatever people want to put it, we found each other. It all began when I went to Liyana's house last Wednesday and there she was, at Liyana's front door; cold and shivering, looking scared and hungry. Out of pity, Liyana and Pulut(Liyana's housemate and her real name is Liyana as well. Heh) brought MoMo in and fed her-rendang ayam and gave her some milk to drink.

Later that evening, I found out that the rest of Liyana's housemates did not approve MoMo's presence inside the house. She can stay if she wants-but outside. Feeling pity, I volunteered to take care of her. But first, Pulut and I went searching around Liyana's neighbourhood for MoMo's owner but no one knows her. So, I took MoMo home, I put her in my jacket and she actually puke in it. Euuww... I know. Now that jacket is washed and still is hanging at the backyard, in the rain-thanks to MoMo. During our first night together, we bonded quite easily as she make herself at home; and took over my bed! And now i think we both are pretty much stuck together. I'll give her food and she'll keep me company plus being a naughty little cat most of the time. She'll sit on the keyboard whenever I am using my laptop. She'll sleep on my lap and I couldn't go anywhere else. She'll attack my dolphin bracelet and tug my wrist along with it. She'll disturb my beauty sleep early in the morning and I'll disturb hers late at night. Both of us never had enough sleep since. Haha.

what? I do not Sleep the whole time! That is not true!

yeah right MoMo...


lazying around..


She wandered off somewhere this afternoon and I thought I've lost her. But she showed up later, and the only thing that is missing is her colar. Heh. Overall, I think both of us can pretty much live together as long as I didn't do anything@do something that could upset her. Well, that's seems to be the case with everyone lately. My bad.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

And I shall Cry.

we are looking at the same moon,but distinct how we look at it

I have to forget him now, throw him far far away from my heart
Shut him off my conscious and drive him away from my sleep.
And I shall cry my heart out.
And I shall weep each night.
And I shall miss him dearly.
And I shall regret this decision.
And there will be days I could no longer stand this longing.
I could no longer stand this yearning.
And i'll whisper his name again and again.
I'll whisper to the wind
bring me my love or I shall die of loneliness.

But happy days will eventually come,
when he is no longer in my dreams,
when he is no longer in my life
and when I can look back and smile saying "he was just an accidental crush".


Monday, October 23, 2006

Eid Mubarak Everyone.

These are photos from the 'takbir' session in 136, Corrib Park. Not so enjoyable as previous years. Raya/Eid is beginning to lost its meaning; or is it just me? Want to meet more people but too sleepy. Have to go back early. Eid prayer at 830pm tomorrow. Enough said.

during Takbir; all praise for You. Allahuakbar!

catching some beauty sleep; tired Intan

during Du'a session; Leen in the middle

Du'a session; L to R: paan, kak Aneeza, kak Shaz

Food!! kak Nawwar is so happy as baby Hana finally give her some attention

Sarinah reeeally enjoying her food!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

I miss My own Smile.

I feel sad
Yet the sun is gayly shining
I feel sad
Yet the blue sky is brightly smiling
I feel sad
Yet the birds are cheerly singing
I feel sad
Yet they are happily laughing
I feel sad
And I miss my own smile.

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Foodmarket(Bazaar Ramadhan), Dinner with Dean, Pharmacology MCQ and One Day National Fast.

You see, I am very busy. Four events to participate and all are held in the same week. This very week. Sure is one heck of a busy week isn't it? Now let me tell you about the events that had already took place, and some interesting stories alongside it. i've been putting this entry on hold for so long and it had been bugging me even in my prrecioousss sleep. So, there you go!

Foodfair(Bazaar Ramadhan) |14th October 2006 |4pm-6pm | Aras na McLean

This activity was organised by PPIMG, one of Malaysian students' society in NUI Galway. We basically cook and sell Malaysian food in the university to introduce the foreigners(eh, that's us), I mean the Irish and other nationalities in NUI galway some Malaysian food and how good they tastes and finally to let them know we can actually cook great tasting food! I made up the last part. Heh.

It was fun until we discover the foodbag we were using was so fragile and the seal kept tattering so food went all the way through and end up on the floor-darn you foodbag!! I was so panicked that I volunteered to go to the shop to buy some more foodbags. I end up going to six shops as none had any - alas, one shop near the town city do sell them but they were the same brand as the one we had. I bought it anyway-out of desperation.

When I came back to the university, all the food from our stall was 90% sold. They've used the foodbags from other people's stall. Duhh. I felt stupid, useless and unreliable. I was about to cry. But luckily I noticed someone so special there *hint*hint. He name is like everywhere in my blog entry lately! Ahahaha it was Adam of course. We had a brief talk but enough to make me feel better. Teehee...hope you're reading this Esther!

Dinner with Dean | 16th October 2006 | 730pm-900pm |Westwood Hotel

Most of the 3rd meds were struggling to decide wether they want to attend this dinner or not. We will have Pharmacology MCQ the next morning, and it's on 9am. Tskk tskk..my housemates were also having a difficult time making up their minds but all decided to go anyway. YEAY!

We came late for the dinner as the taxi drivers was struggling to find where our house is. OMG, our street address i.e. St Enda's Road wasn't in his new hi-tec route planner because our neighbourhood is like established from the last century-so, we are sort of being forgotten. Poor us... :( When we arrived, loads of people were already there and we have to sit at table 17, with the former dean and four of our other classmates. Very hostile man, that former dean-now I feel bad for not knowing his name-but I had great time chatting with him.

The food was okay, but I've had better ..teehee, luckily we don't have to pay for it. Food is on the house!!! While lining up and wait for our turn to get the food- we're having a formal dinner in a hotel and have to line up haha- Adam said, "hey Farah, are you going to cook me dinner; these much?", while grinning happily and showed what he had on his plate. OMG, scanning that plate briefly I can see some rice, chicken, slices of bread, some potato, salad(God knows what beneath them) and so I said, "you WISH!!".

At the end of the dinner, Adam and I took a picturetogether. Referring to what he said and what I agreed myself ; "it's our annual thing".

Pharmacology MCQ | 17th October 2006 | 9ooam |Finnegan Suite
Can I not talk about this please. Thank you.

One Day Natinal Fast(ODNF) breaking fast/dinner reception | 19th October 2006 | 630pm | The Hub

We invited everyone to fast for a day to collect donation for human Appeal and the InterPal, organisations that help the Palestinian. This is an annual activity held by Muslim youth Society. I gave Adam the ODNF t-shirt and he was wearing it all day despite the small size. He claimed that he look like Brian Higgins. Yeah Adam, you're like Brian H allright, minus the athlete muscles. LoL.

Got a chance eating together with him(alone). Went back home smiling allllllllllll the way~

p/s: so sad because the only event I had pictures taken was the dinner.*sigh*

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Monday, October 09, 2006

I didn't Go.

I got an anaphylactic shock when I read this text: "hey farah-jst lettin u know that we goin to richardsons for a couple of bday pints at 2030 if you about. understand completely if cannot-ill get my bday kiss l8er!"
I am having a total meltdown-again..heh. Probably this one will not last long. For goodness sake, he has a girlfriend!

Anyway, I made him this card last night. Nothing special, just felt bored. Okay, okay, it's not just 'bout boredom. I probably had spent bitttt toooo much time on it, but I feel happy doing it. I was discovering the Picasso side of me, and which aren't that much to be proud of. Heh.

Oh yeah, about the text, of course I didn't go! I don't even know where Richardsons is! Anyway, I have never in my life step into a cinema, let alone go into a pub.(Ya Allah, please guide my steps and protect me from my own bad will. Ameen.) I am touched when Adam said he understands completely if i am not going. He is always like that, Adam. Decent and polite..kind,concerned, such a gentleman. So English!

Oh yeah. Say 'hi' to my main character on todays' entry; Mr Adam Gregory Eddie. "Hi Adam!" I vaguely remembers the first time I ever set eyes on him. It was on the 13th of September 2004. Wasn't really sure of the time but the venue was in one of the lecture theater in the IT building. We(all the international-other than irish-1st year med student) had to attend this briefing thing-sort of introduction to Galway-with the International Student Officer, Ms Ann Monahan (very nice lady). Before meeting her, we had to listen to the Dean of medicine first. And he said welcome. Thank you sir! After that, it was Ann's turn and swiftly grab our attention away from the Dean. Heh. She started with a welcoming speech, you know the usual things you said to greet new people. Then, she came to the part when she introduced all the nationalities present in the room. Of course, most of the student came from Malaysia, 2 from Australia, 1 from Botswana, and when she said 1 from England; people start reacting-I don't know why. I noticed even Ann's expression became slightly soften and motherly like; she wore different sort of the smile, gay(happy & relief)-like; it's a kind of smile you'll put on if you encounter a peer among croud of strangers. Ann asked him something about England and he replied. My heart did a back flip. I fell in love instantly-with the accent that is! I've always love immitating english accent especially with my sisters back home (miss doing that!!). Heh. I turned my head, tried to see the man himself-flesh and bone- and yeah probably you can guess this part; I fell into my own drool. Hahahaha! He was absolutely gorgeous! And he still is. And he is now in a relationship. *sigh* Good men are always taken. whattodooo..how melodramatic.

Anyway, being JUST a friend with one-in-a-million-cute-english-gentleman is not that bad. It's okay. Besides, he is too funny and his smile is contageous. Who could say no to that? Hehe. Happy Belated Birthday Adam! Wish you happy days in years to come..

Sunday, October 08, 2006

someone is so going to tell me what is going on!

You're a living elsewhere if you didn't notice the tension that is building up around this house. I said something unappropriate? I did something bad? I am mean? ( I know that part because I know I am). Hahahaha..

Anyway, if no one is saying anything to me or tell me what is going on, I think we're so heading to damn black pit with no way out.

Duhh... of course I am capable of saying sorry-with all my heart if that'll please you-IF I know what I did wrong!! I know people are different, from different family background, different sch...oopss, people are different! I KNOW. So, treat people as individuals dear, because it's individuals we are talking about. Tho I am so clueless about what's going on right now. Enlighten me, because I seriously don't know.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

All I need was some time Alone.

I was walking home, all alone from my friend's house in Ardillaun a few minutes ago, and Alhamdulillah, I was given a chance by Him to reflect my life- all along the way back to Shantalla(where I live). I was thinking about things in the past, what is happening to me now and I wonder what lays ahead of me in the future. The full moon was shining brightly, I feel like crying-there and then. The world is so beautiful, I wonder why I always forgot that. At that moment, I felt so content yet so empty-I even prayed for someone that would walk beside me, sharing thoughts and feelings that no one else would understands. The air was cold and the gentle wind lightly caressing my face. I just love that moment. Being there at that time. The street was empty except for occasional taxis that pass by hurriedly-probably taking someone back from the pub, or to the pub, I don't know the exact time these Irish people go out partying.

Ten minutes later, I walked pass by Linda's place-it's actually used to be Linda's place, because now she is now back in Finland-her home country. I can still remember a few things about Linda, my only bestest-non-Malaysian-friend when I was in first year. She is all about smiling, friendly, caring and positive thinking, that she and I became close friend in no time. Sometimes I even felt like her little sister, whom she always took care of. Linda was a eurasmus student in NUI Galway, taking up degree in Biochemistry. She is a vegetarian, so we have no problem about sharing food. Linda loves cheese on her pasta, and I had to admit I love that freshly grated cheese on my pasta too! Linda likes kayaking so much and that's how we met. I wonder what Linda is doing now. I miss her so much. I even think about flying to Finland and spend the christmas holiday with her. I wonder would she still remembers me.

Linda and Zakuan, at the dinner party at my house in 2004

I smiled all the way, enjoying the slow stride-which is very rare for me- as if I am walking through time itself with every footstep. It's been over 2 years since I first set foot in Galway, I felt that I knew Galway like the back of my hand. God prove me wrong at that very moment. Someone stop his vehicle beside the road and asked me the direction to Wedford(not exactly sure of the spelling tho) Hotel and I went blank. Is there such hotel? I actually don't really know Galway like the back of my hand. Heh. I told him I don't know. He looked frustrated and drove away. Sorry sir!

Anyway, I was so angry throughout the week. Out of no reason, I feel that everyone is out there to get me. I felt everyone hated me, and I can't help but to feel frustrated, irretated and so very annoyed. With everyone. Tonight, finally all the hatred and revulsion that I have been keeping inside my heart had flew away with the wind and I felt so relieved. Thank you Allah, for giving me the opportunity to walk on your ground tonight and ease my heart that once was full with anger. Now I am content. Ya Allah, please keep my heart at ease while going through the journey ahead that You have set out for me. Ameen.

p/s: as I was whining about the rain this morning, I was awarded with one of the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen in my life. Subhanallah.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

To someone.

Okay I snapped. I'm sorry. But I do have my rights to feel angry, don't I? Or did you strip me off that too?


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Behavioural Science class.

"Pain, accounts for 25% of sick leave. 80% of patients presented pain in various modalities to their GP. Most of household drugs is in fact drug that help to relief pain of some sort....mumble...mumble(staring intensely at the projector)....*snort(looking around at the audience)...pain is associated with feminism(mumbling), weakness and poverty thus..blahh blahh.....is pain". Eh, what did she say just now? *head scratching, looking at Hani and what she had written on her hand-out. Hand-writing too small. Darn.Ughhh....come on concentrate!! "Pain is defined as an abstract concept which refers to; a harmful stimulus(*abruptly waving and wiggling her hands) which signals current or impending tissue damage...personal private sensation of hurt...blahh blahhh.....chronic pain". *yawn, looking around. Staring widely at the lecturer, smile. She smiles back. Looking at her red jacket. She wears that jacket AGAIN. Nod a little, smile. ".....managing the pain.....underestimation of pain by medical practitioners is unappropriate...blahh...blahh.....suffering and depression, lead to negative spiral...." When can I eat? Nod again, act of deep understanding. Stare at the lecturer with intense gaze. ".......the evidence for such situation is variable......blahh..blahh...which you can find in the additional reading I have recommended. Okay class, see you next week". Yeay!! Stuff everything in the bag, rush home.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

When I feel like a Celebrity, I know I look like one - eight in fact. LoL

Sunday, October 01, 2006

been a lazy ass for a very long time!!

I need to do this, I need to do that. I need to do A LOT of things. Apparently I did nothing. I need someone to kick my ass so I'd start moving. LoL. Oh, probably a word of motivation will do. =)