b Purely Gibberish: February 2007

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Clinical Years....Counting Down The Crucial Hours.

In exactly 25 hours, 3 minutes I will be - the official clinical student. No more pre-clinical laze, no more jumping around childishly (unless I am that depressed :D), no more jeans and t's, no more sleeping in class, no more waking up at 10am, no more fooling around behind the lecturer, no more "this class is boring, hence I will never attend this class ever again in my life" remarks, as Derek had told us the other day, " say goodbye to stress-free-all-fun-student-life and say HELLO to mostly-will-be-stressful-days-of-medical profession".

I will in 25 hours, 1 minute...start physical examination (yeay, Eamonn with no shirt on! Haha-evil laugh), learn to use the stethoscope, learn to 'bleap' my tutor@doctor, learn history taking, ECG, MRI, endoscopy...blahhh blahhh...(for real?)

Excited yet scared, I don't know what to expect. And my stethoscope is back in Malaysia-still...(!!). Haaiihh.. Would I be able to cope with the demanding hours? Would I transform to all-serious-no-laugh stressed med kid? Screw that, what about photography and blogging? My passion for art and travelling plus 'net-scaping' between hours - can I still keep it up? So many questions, I am nail-bitting nervous.

But look at the bright side-I look good in blue OT scrub! Yeay!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Suicide Butterflies.

No! I wasn't thinking suicidal-God forbid! It's just these butterflies that can be found in display at Quadrangle from fortnight ago. The artist - Gala Tomasso, had choosen the title 'Suicide Butterflies' to this unique piece of art which reflects the incidence of suicides in Ireland. I was wondering when I took these pictures,"Is suicide is a big issue in Ireland?". So, I browsed through the internet to find out more. Well, actually the figure is worrying. Ireland's suicide rate is the quite high compared to other European country. This evoke my curiosity, why people want to end their lives?

"Suicide in Ireland is a major public health problem with 480-500 deaths per year. It causes more deaths than road traffic accidents.

"The age groups 15-44 have seen the greatest rise in recent years and it is also this group which has the highest incidence.

We also have one of the highest male:female ratios in Europe at between 4 and 5:1. Female rates have slightly increased in recent years but it is in male rates that the increase has been dramatic.

The most common suicide methods used are hanging (47%), followed by drowning and poisoning (22% and 18%) respectively.

The peaks are seen in April and August.

Much of this has been confirmed by the recent national study by the Department of Public Health - 'Suicide in Ireland'."

Taken from : here

"Suicide Definition and Statistics

02 August 2005

Suicide is the result of an act deliberately initiated and performed by a person in the full knowledge or expectation of its fatal outcome.


World Suicide Rate - 15.1 per 100,000.

Note: Rates are expressed in suicides per year per 100,000 people.

  • Rate of suicide is almost universally higher among men compared to women by an aggregate ratio of 3.5:1.
  • Over the past 30 years the suicide rates seem to have remained quite stable.
  • Geographically, changes in suicide rates vary considerably.

Some rates from different countries are:

East Europe - 50's
Sri Lanka - 33
China - 27
Malaysia - 15
Singapore - 11.4
US - 12
Canada - 14
Ireland - 15
Iran - 1

Singapore (lowest in Malays rather than Chinese and Indians)

Reported rates may differ from actual rates.

Source: WHO Report on Mental Health: (short and well worth reading)"

Taken from: here

What makes someone wants to end his/her life? Depression is a major contributor especially in young people. Life is not all about sunshine, flowers and rainbow. People struggle to make ends meet. We have to strive to adapt with changes. Even friends could be a burden sometimes. Others just couldn't find love and feel hopeless. Sometimes we do feel upset or unhappy with everything that is happening in our lives. Some people feel they just couldn't bear with the load and responsibilities anymore. Having to think that is nothing left for them in this world, a person decide to end his/her life. We are living in a self-centered world. There are people who care but there are much more who don't. Sad isn't it?

Some end their life as they had suffer the lost of a loved ones. Perhaps, lack of support during the stage of bereavement could be one of the reason. Other, having suffered terminal illnesses decide to end their lives maybe because they cannot see hope in living anymore. There are many more reasons why people want to end their lives; further reading can be found : here

Even as I write this, I feel overwhelm by emotions. Sad. Scared. Confused. Trying to put myself in their shoes and feel their burden. What a heavy feeling when I think there is no other choice for me but to end my life. I don't know what awaits me after I am dead, but I don't want to live another day facing these burden either. I don't know what else to do, or whom else to turn to. What else should I do? Is there God somewhere? Why doesn't He listen to me or help me going through this? Am I going to meet Him when I die or is dying just another cycle of life?

It is a big issue when someone wants to end his/her life. It's an irreversible decision, it's a fatal act. Aware. Help. Support. Love.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The William Shakespeare In Me ;)

My words had failed me, they couldn't describe what I'm feeling right now.
My tears had failed me, they dried up when I still have so many things to cry about.
My consciousness had failed me, I feel like I'm dreaming all these while.
My mind had failed me, because you were in it all the time.
My dreams had failed me, they gave me hope when there is none.

My shelter had failed me, because your name is written there.
My smile had failed me, it went missing somewhere.
My vacations had failed me, I wish I was with you instead.
My heart had failed me, it longed for you in every beat.
My lunacy had failed me, because I think I am crazy for you.

My music had failed me, they all sang the blues.
I want to cuddle in my bed and sleep this through.
Will I forget, or will I still remember you?

My friend I've failed you, I keep falling for you when I should not.
Make me stop, do make me stop.

p/s: My literature had failed me, this is not a poem this is crap. :)

Sunday, February 18, 2007

In The midst of Chaos, I stand Alone.

Stuffed with too many drug names in my head, I feel like a rack in a pharmacy.

I miss mom, I miss dad. I miss running. I want to go to the gym and run on my favourite treadmill. I miss him-again. I feel stupid. I want to go swimming-and drown myself in these confusions.

I am deadly nervous about the exam tomorrow. I need you. I'm used to having you cheering for me all the way through everything, now I don't even know where we are standing. Are we still good friends or had this ride came to its end-long time ago.

I did what I had to do yesterday, perhaps you'll never understand; maybe you don't want to. So, goodbye dearest friend. Have a nice break. Have a great time. You should pray that I will not miss you badly while you're away.

I'll pray that I can pretend to forget you, while secretly waiting for you to come back.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

==In every girls life there is a GUY she will never forget, and the SUMMER when it all began==


Hehe..really really.

Have you watched The Notebook yet? Well, you should! :) So sweeettttttttt!

Why do I feel so pathetic now? Sad, I am indeed suffering from a bipolar depression.

I can't help it, I need to share this vid from Norah Jones. The song is called 'What Am I To You'. Beautiful. I LOVE NORAH JONES!!!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Good Morning!

Really is a cold one isn't it? Brr...I think there was a storm passing through Galway last night. Ehh wait a minute... I still can hear the wind blowing, guess it's going to be like this whole day long. So like my dear Galway. It was so windy and cold last night that I hardly sleep, err...well, not really...I actually slept like a baby most of the time! :p

I think that was all I did these few days, pharmacology exam is just around the
corner and ALL I did was sleeping. *yawn* Hazrina was right when she called me sleepy-head. I am indeed!

Anyway, I listened to Christina Aguilera's, Hurt this morning and it almost made me cry. I was drenched in sorrow remembering my family back home and someone else that I shouldn't. Oh my..oh my..when later I heard 'You Don't Know Me' by Michael Buble, I had to admit that I miss that one person, so bad.

Oh well, life goes on and I should not sit here and whine when there are so many other things I should be doing-like pharmacology! Later darlings :)

Here's the clip from Michael's, 'You Don't Know Me'. Enjoy!! ;)

"You Don't Know Me"

You give your hand to me
Then you say hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me

No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me

I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches
With love for you
Afraid and shy
I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might
Love me, too

You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
You'll never never know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me

You give your hand to me, baby
Then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
No, no, you'll never ever know
The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me

Monday, February 12, 2007

Who is Your Secret Supernatural Lover?

Dean Winchester!Dean's the bad boy that every girl wants. Little do they know he's actually sweet and caring. He loves his car, and is looking for someone hot to keep him company as long as there are not too many chick flick moments...
Take this quiz!

ouuhh....saucy result. Arr...arr ;p

Saturday, February 10, 2007

If I let you send me out myself, what if I can never come back? -Katherine Wrick-

I went to gym just now, what a mind relieving and physically demanding session. I covered about 10 kilometers today from my usual 6 kilometers. There wasn't too much in my mind, it's just that same 'ol feelings start to come back knocking on the door of my poor heart. It came back chasing me up when I've tried hard to avoid it. I tried to outrun the feelings, but it doesn't work babe. The anxiety starts to eat me up from within. Feels like I want to give you up, but I love you. I love you dear. I love you my pharmacology. Even when you are impossible to deal with, and ohhh so self-centered-attention-grabber. I still love you... oH dear oh dear, exams do keep your mind occupied- like the love of your life!

I haven't submitted my photo for the challenge-yet. Please help me choose! These are all that I have for now. But I think I have to shoot some more. Sighh..

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Self Portrait.

I've decided that I want to join this week's photo challenge hosted in this particular fotopage site - willingly, this time. The title given is : SELF PORTRAIT. I was thinking,"well, I think I do have some self-portraits somewhere.." and so I started to browse through my picture collections and yes, these are shocking-even for me. And actually I have more, I just couldn't believe myself. These are just a mere quarter of my vast collections of so called "self-portrait". Tsk..tsk... Anyway, these are.... proudly announce....nothing but crap!

I shall capture more (yeay!!) meaningful ones (sigh..) of these self portrait photos if I really want to put myself in the competition. I need to crack my head open for a really stunning one, but I do have intolerable problem with the model. She is impossible to work with. Help! Sigh...I should quit crapping and work harder! Gambatte!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Moon :)

I've always love to stare at the moon. Unique and beautiful, a mysterious loner; the moon. I still remember when I was seven, my cousin told me that there is a princess who live all alone on the moon. She is very pretty. Her skin is so soft and delicate; she has the most beautiful smile. The princess actually is deeply in love-with a prince so charming, he took her heart away with just a single glance. Since he was a little boy, the prince love to stare at the moon. Each night before he went to sleep, he would look at the moon and talked to it. He adore its beauty so much that he wished he could go up to the moon one day. But, he never knew about the princess.

Whenever the prince was looking at the moon, the princess would smile with glee and stare back at the prince - looking deeply into his eyes. Imagining that he could hear her, she would talk to the prince and told him how much she misses him. Some nights, she would put on her most beautiful white gown. She would dance the waltz, so gracefully and pretending that the prince is dancing with her. She hoped and wished and prayed that one day the prince would notice her. Alas as years went by, the prince got old and tired of looking at the moon and started to forget about it. The princess misses him so much and she wept each night. She cried and cried but the prince never knew that. He never knew about the princess until the day he died.

The princess is still waiting for her prince, alone up there on the moon. She is still, deeply in love with the prince. Hoping, wishing and praying she could see him again...one day.

And I believed that? Haha..I did. I was seven. I love fairy tales. Link those two together. :D

It hurt me a bit when I found out that no one lives on the moon, nobody could. It is inhabitable. Sigh... But I love to stare at it anyways. The moon is always beautiful, I sometimes think about the princess and secretly hoping that one day she will meet her prince charming.