I feel Like a Widow.
I haven't been married of course, mind you. Nevertheless, I can't help feeling like something had gone missing from my life. I feel like crap. If only I can figure out what I've been missing. I guess, I will never figure it out. Perhaps I've been missing someone. If only that someone knew. It'll definitely be the talk across town. haha!
Since I was back from the-happy-ever-after-land of Germany, I feel like my life is heading right down to that dark, pitch black bottomless pit-again. I miss the adventure of travelling! Roaming across the unknown and meeting strangers. Learning from them how is it like to live like an explorer, spending most of your life travelling around the world; sometimes what they told me does sounded like a fairy tale. Or maybe, they will tell you how is it like to spend six hours in a museum, just in the technology section-like the Danish guy we met in the A&O hostel in Munich. He adored the technology subject too much, I guess. But, I miss him dearly-that dear Tobias. Kind and cheerfull Tobias. He didn't mind me teasing him all the time and didn't even complain when we(Aimee and I) woke up at 5 in the morning and making too much noise-he just smile, or even better laughed along. He was like a long lost best friend I've never had. Is that what I've been missing? A dear friend to laugh with me. Why didn't I take a picture of him? I don't really know myself, but if I were to travel back across time, I will definitely ask for his number. I will, seriously! Isyqi and I, back in Nurnberg. Miss her already!
When we were about to leave Nurnberg going back to Ireland last tuesday, I almost cried. I did cry actually-deep within my heart, I was solemnly crying. I don't want to leave Germany-most of all, I don't want to leave my dear friends. During my last visit to Nurnberg on Christmas, I did cry too-for real. My tears was flowing like November rain as I hug my friend(Isyqi) for the last time- I hardly letting her go. I admit it, I am too sensitive sometimes. And stubborn, and witty, and loud, and chatty and evil...okay, okay that's too much of a confession already. It's not wrong to show your feelings and affections folks, but only to the right person, unattached person preferably- this too is a fact which I learnt during my quest in Germany. It was indeed a very educational trip. Haha!
Najmi and I went to Spanish Arch yesterday. I miss dear Najmi too and yesterday's day out was fun. We were just sitting around watching the flocks of ducks and swans and seagull swimming about, when we noticed this child and her mother feeding up the birds. It was a wonderful sight.
Oh, I miss my mother dearly. I just can't wait to see her again. And far back, few yards away from these mother and daughter, there was this sweet old couple feeding up the birds as well. Once again, a wonderful sight-filling up my soul with prayers. I prayed that I'll be like that old sweet couple one day. Someday.
Love-the greatest feeling of them all. Poeple laugh, people cry, people kill each other because of love. Love knew no border, no boundaries of age and time. Anyone can fell in love. Love can grew or fade away. But, the memories of loving someone are the memories we will cherished throughout our lives. I know I will always cherish those fond memories of loving someone-no matter how short the memories were.
Back in those days when I was in school, I always write poems-especially about love. I love poetry. Writing or reading poetry, I enjoyed them both. Nowadays, I rarely read any poem let alone writing one. Oh, how I miss those lovely poems. I love sonnet 18 by Shakespeare. It is too, about love. One that will never fade away, across time and season. Love that grew stronger through time.SONNET 18 Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou growest: So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this and this gives life to thee
To My dear Stranger.
Shall I meet you someday my dear stranger?
and When one day I do
What will I say to you,
can you hear right now
this poor heart of mine
is singing desperately
a love song for you my dear stranger,
can you hear it hum its sad melody
as it longing for you
to fill it with glee..
Well, that was my own unfinished sonnet. I know it sounded crappy, well I didn't say I was a good poet myself :)
Anyway, on our way back from the Spanish arch, I noticed these beautiful flowers blooming beautifully between cracks of a wall. Beauty of God's creations. Subhanallah. Sometimes, I was too preoccupied with havoc and chaos to notice these beautiful creations when all I need to do is just to stop and smell the roses by the road and everything will be okay.