b Purely Gibberish: December 2006

Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Truth Is.

My phone was dead for two days for particular reason. This afternoon, I turned it on. Few text messages stormed in and one of it was from you. You sent it two days ago, asking whether I want to call you or not. I am now feeling deeply guilty-for a few reasons;

One, I didn't respond to that text immediately and now it's been two days-have you been waiting for me to reply to that text all these while?

Two, I still didn't do anything about that text- and still wondering what should I do with it.

Three, you're not around YM at all for two days-are you angry with me? (Hope your absence has nothing to do with this)

I am sorry for what I did(?) but honestly I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

I want to call you, badly.

Now I am overly confused.

All these are the truth.


Friday, December 29, 2006

Kiss Me.

Don't get too exited about the topic. This entry had nothing to do with kissing; or perhaps it does. Actually, I miss my mom badly now. I miss the early morning(s) when I would hug and kiss her hand and cheeks before going to school. I miss the nights when we both would sat together and chat about - everything! She knows me inside out. I even miss the days when we had big arguments and stop talking with each other, sometimes even for days (both of us are hard-headed --Mom's quality). Anyway, it was always mom who end up saying sorry to me (even when it is usually MY fault), hugging and kissing me. A gesture that will always resulting tears gushing down my cheeks. Mom is just impossible to deal with sometimes; but her love is just irresistable. I wish I could fly to her right now; to tell her all the miseries surrounding me right now. To listen to her comforting words. To have her embracing me. To lay my head on her lap and have her stroking my hair gently. I wish...

I had a bad dream this morning; my mom died in front of my eyes. I hug her before she passed away, asking for forgiveness for all the tears she had to cry because of my wrongdoings. She smiled at me, saying goodbye and her blessings. Ahh....even thinking about that dream bring back tears I've been holding since this morning. I felt so lonely after mom had died and I prayed that we would meet again in the Day of Resurrection. I still remember the sadness in my heart; though it was just a dream, I can feel it like it was real.

I've always been over-connected with my dream, sometimes I don't know which one is real.

(I wasn't dreaming of writing these am I?)

I want to call mom but the telephone lines in 11 countries including Malaysia are affected by that earthquake in Taiwan. *Sigh*... I should save some of these tears for later- when I can finally call mom and have that usual long chat we always have.

p/s: Selamat Hari Raya AidilAdha, pray for the safety of our brothers and sisters who are doing the pilgrimage in Mecca right now.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

And Once Again....

Back in Galway after 9 days roaming around Italy. Venice was the highlight of the trip and I would surely come back if there's any chance of doing so.

Back in Galway and the same problem starts to haunt me. Emotionally deprive and I am sick of these feelings. Can I confess my unconditional love to you?

Back in Galway and I loathe the loneliness within.

Back in Galway and I wish I am somewhere else.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


I've had my laptop reformated - finally (thanks to mr. jawe)!

I just love the new environment, and the 'no pop-up signals' telling me I had viruses roaming around the C drive. This "virus-in-my-laptop-thingy" had been bugging me for over a month now; what a relief now that it's gone. You can only imagine how annoyed I was each time a virus was detected but nothing could be done because my antivirus could not locate the infected file; hence leaving me with trouble every five minutes or so - telling me over and over again that the laptop is infected when it could not do nothing about it.

Let me tell you how the antivirus warn me about any 'infection'. Each time a virus was detected, a pop-up window will come out and a (oh so manly) voice saying, "caution! a virus has been detected!". The voice was so deep, so powerful which sometimes reminded me of Mr. Robocop... I'll miss this voice-but I'm sure indeed I don't ever want to hear it; ever again!!!

And of course, some people might notice I've changed this blog skin as well. Might stick onto this one if I stayed in this 'teddy' sort of mood. I thought of this design as kind of cute-you know, teddy and rainbow stuff... Heh, but one of my friend told me that this new skin is so 'gothic' it scares him. I am speechless. Well, people perceive beauty and art differently. Beauty in one's eyes may not be in the others'.

my heart is slowly melting.....

yours truly.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Chatting? It's Not an Option.

My laptop really has 'melted' on me. 'Melted' is the term used by Prof Dockery when he explained that his laptop no longer functions normally, hence he couldn't post his lecture notes on the Blackboard (note: Blackboard is a site created by the university for students and lectures; to access notes, to give announcements and stuff, making everyone's life easier!-yeah right). Anyway, I came home last night to discover the horror of my virus infected laptop-I could no longer "socialize" ; here meaning I could no longer chat using the yahoo messenger. The windows turn blank. Everything's there as whatever normal chatting window has. The only problem is, I couldn't read things that's written by me or the other party. Sweet isn't it? It feels like talking to an invisible person, only that this time the person is invisible and so as their words.

Haihh...I always have this idea that technology and I will never be friends with each other. Embrace the technology, so as people have said. You know how hard it is to do just exactly that? I'd rather give my cat a bath. I've lost my cat anyway, I think giving a bath to an imaginary cat would be easier, wouldn't it? I am not a computer-illiterate person, (no!) or else I wouldn't be writing my ramblings here, right(?). It's just that I am not interested to find out more, beyond emails and friendster, uploading and downloading stuff. I probably wouldn't be able to understand it even if I try. I haven't tried? No, of course not! Who wants a self-prescribe headache?

From Merriam-Webster:
Main Entry: il-lit-er-ate
Pronunciation: (")i(l)-'li-t(&-)r&t
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin illiteratus, from in- + litteratus literate
1 : having little or no education; especially : unable to read or write
2 a : showing or marked by a lack of familiarity with language and literature b : violating approved patterns of speaking or writing
3 : showing or marked by a lack of acquaintance with the fundamentals of a particular field of knowledge
synonym see IGNORANT


About my yahoo messenger, I've tried unstalling and re-installing the program. Didn't work. Anyone have any idea what should I do, please??

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Sunshine in My Heart!

Let me share with you a secret, I've watched You've Got Mail for like a zillion times now. I even watched it last night-and yet again I cried at the very end; the part when Kathleen finally met up with Jo and said, "I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so bad". She was grinning and crying at the same time, and was overwhelmed with love. I can't help it but to cry. I told you I am a softie inside. Gahhhhh! Anyway, I love Tom Hanks - I mean like really love him. Now, that's a secret not worth sharing! Haha!

Sarinah made a gourmet dinner last night - chicken rice. Thank you so much, Sarinah! But, there was something about the grilled chicken that I just couldn't get over with. It was absolutely delicious! Everyone is a great cook in Galway-except for me. Haha. Only I can eat what I cook. Or is it?

Winter exams are finally over. Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah for making my days bearable. Though I am not too keen about the result-part; let's just wait and see. But for the moment, I just wanted to enjoy my wiyntah holidayhss ya'll! *grin*

Just back from Kak Nawwar's place for usrah @ movie watching. The movie is called 'The Messenger'; a story about Prophet Muhammad pbuh when he first got the message from Allah. When he told about the message he received, all of his people rejected him but a few. From small numbers of people and strong faith in Allah and the prophet, they finally manage to take over the holy city Mecca. Subhanallah, that movie really touch me deep inside.

Hey, I still do have loads of fun and not swimming in tears all the time-there's still some sunshine left in the horizon-don't worry! I can even see some silver linings in the clouds. I hope I didn't give anyone really bad impression about my current situation. It's just most of the time, when I was writing, I happened to be in some sort of depression. Hehe. Anyway, thank you friends for the concern thoughts. Really appreciate it. *hugs*

Secret wish: I hope I could fly to Germany and see that one person I miss so much - my dear friend, Isyqi. Yes, of course it's just her! Who else? :eyes rolling:

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My Life Is an Open Book.

One chapter went missing somewhere. I think it's the chapter when I met you and we fell in love. Or is that chapter still left unwritten?

I could not remember which.


Sunday, December 10, 2006

Who Would've Guessed?

Who would've guessed that it would be raining-WHOLE DAY THROUGH-today? Sigh....so much of the well planned trip to Corrib river to take some photos. Sigh...and as much as I hate to admit it, I miss you-again.

I end up sleeping like I have nothing else better to do (hint: Anatomy paper is on Tuesday).

I guess I am so beaten up when it comes to the issue of emotions and feelings. I can't help it, i am a softie inside. Gahhhh!!

I wish it'll snow again this year. This pic was taken on 25th Dec 2004. The first snow ever in my life. So little snow, yet well appreciated by all of us-that minute form of snow-creature says it all. Precious memories I'd say.

Am I allowed to cry now? Such a baby-I know.

It's been forever since I last heard of Mr. Craig David. This one is quite nice, love the song.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Goin Ga Ga...again.

The instant need to write is overwhelming than anything else right now, but I don't know what I want to write about. Current situation? Not too sure, but I think I've lost a bit of sense. I need........ughhhhhh something! You Something fresh and intruiging, new, real, you something challenging and striking mad. Intoxicating and exasperating, yet too addictive to let go.

I need to go out and see the beautiful sun. I need to hug a tree. I need to jump and run a mile. I need an adventure. Some unwritten Huckleberry Finn tale to explore. I need to paint(?).

I need you .......to take some photos-tomorrow.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

For You.

Don't worry, I am still smiling.
Though it's now beginning to fade away.
I am still smiling.
Though tears are now streaming down.
I am still smiling.
Though I am trying hard to forget you.
I am still smiling.
Though I miss you.
I am still smiling.
Though deep inside I am deteriorating.
I am still smiling.
I have this mask I am wearing.
So don't you ever worry darling.
I am still smiling.

p/s: for me it's a clear-cut sign from Lord above, darling.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish for so many things right now. One of it is you. Wish that I can have you. Silly me. What was I thinking? That you will come here, knock on my door, bend on one knee and give me your heart? I wish! Ahahaha.

Dreadful. Hate these hormones. I can hear my inner-self laughing hard - at me.

Stupid wishes aren't going to get me anywhere. I should stop now, and just grow up.

Beautiful rainbow. I wish I can ride on it.

Artist - Mymp
I Think I'm Falling

[Verse 1]
wanna tell you baby
That you're the one that Im thinking of
But your heart is still with her
And I think she's the one that you love
I only want you happy
Even if it's not with me
Maybe one day
You'll open up your eyes and you'll see

That I think I'm falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think I'm falling
Baby I'm falling for you

[Verse 2]
From the first time
You laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face
Will last till the end of time
But I'm not so sure
You're the one that I should pursue
My mind tells me no
But my heart only says that it's you


Only time will tell
The mystery has yet to unfold
Who's gonna feel love's warmth
And the other left in the cold

Yet still I'm falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think I'm falling
Baby I'm falling for you
That I think I'm falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think Im falling
Baby I'm falling for you

Saturday, December 02, 2006

It's Complicated

Well, knowing me-everything is complicated right? You might or might not realize all the clues I've been giving you. Mixed signals perhaps? Ahh...you probably just don't care. A few times I've been tempted to say something, but I chickened out. If I were to tell you; let's say one day I lose my mind or something-you'd either ignore the issue or you'd ignore me completely-I am not too keen on the latter part. Well, to tell you the truth I am rather scared of the consequences.

Ouhh....I am so out of my principal about blogging. I am not supposed to talk about you. This blog is supposedly about me. Ahhh well...I might as well get it off my system~ Get you out of my system! TOO MUCH of you in my hippocampus and you are bothering my amygdala too. I need to get you out in the open. Guess this isn't going to work eh?

I promise. Ten. I'll tell you. Promise.