b Purely Gibberish: September 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

Glazing over my week schedule, gosh time flies like nobody's business. So much things had happened. Confessions, heart aches, coffee break conversations, tears, unanswered calls, wanting and longing that had been buried underneath it all. I am wrecked. Physically and emotionally tired. If only I could sleep for 765 years to come. Darn this PALS course.

Darn it all. Darn these tears, stop flowing please.

Sometimes it's really hard to understand...but I am so used to doing things on my own, making my own decision, sleep whenever I feel like to, stay up all night doing whatever I want to do, run a marathon with a twisted ankle till the end as if my life depends on it, go to Dublin post-pre call just because shopping makes me feel happy, call somebody if I feel like talking, turn off my phone if I want to be alone. Fancy somebody and un-fancy them without hurting anybody but myself. It's a really completely "self center-ed" single person's world.

You on the other hand, had shared your life intensely with somebody else for so long. So long that you have forgotten how is it like to be alone. And you are afraid of being alone. So afraid that you started to lose confidence. Of your own ability and strength. Now that your life had taking a complete daring (hairpin corner) turn and you are afraid that this road you are taking will lead you to heartache. You've always (need) have somebody to hold your hand and walk beside you, keep reminding you that they are there. But you are strong enough to make this journey dear. Strong enough to go through this loneliness, I am there always though you might think I have abandoned you.

I am proud of you, if only you would feel the same about yourself.

I am a rookie in this game. Remember, it's only a month (plus 2 days) ago that my life had completely turned upside down too. I am trying to cope. I am ! (oh excuses...excuses..!)

I still don't know how to share "my world" though I really wanted to. Especially with you. I don't know how to open up the door of my heart and show you all the love I have within. I have given you the keys, but often times you're too busy mending your own broken heart to even remember. I can't read you when you are so far away, but you still managed to read me through this distance.

Sitting here alone thinking how you just pushed me away a couple of hours ago.

Sitting here thinking maybe..I didn't try hard enough...or maybe I didn't try at all?

Let's work this out. Call me tonight. Please.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Sedih kene ignored buat kesekian kalinya.. Saya bersalah lagikah?

Ok sila berusaha untuk tidur.

Bertabahanlah hati.

Friday, September 16, 2011

BuDak jari gemok dh ade phone baru and pandai whatsapp! Tapi susah nak taip sebab jari x runcing. Hahahhahaha! Xoxo

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Day 1 of a long 2 months.

Stay strong dear hearts. We will be together then for lifetime.
Love you loads.
Day 1: paeds teaching was on in Dublin. Scary cases presentation really put me off paeds for half of the day. Then I was thinking I should do more studying in order to manage my patient well. In the end these cases are meant to be shared so that we can learn from other people's mistakes.

Had dinner with Kat! Haven't seen each other for ages! Gossiping is the best when it's with the right crowd. Love the two people who were with me. Took my mind off missing a certain someone. Then the clock striked 10; it would be around the time when I would be chatting with you and sharing highlights of our day or just reminiscing things from the past. Hmm..

Later this evening I was trying to unclog Aimee's bathroom sink and suddenly realized that I didn't manage to teach you how to 'deliver CPR' to your shower drain if it were to get clogged again. Oh well, I suppose you can get one of those chemical unclogger. I miss you.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I don't know what went wrong today but you just went missing. Don't you know my heart is going wild wondering what I did to hurt you that much? You've promised you won't hurt me anymore but today you did anyway. Thank you for making me cry again.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

36 hours = 1 year and a half later

So, we are still not over each other. So glad you called. You have no idea how much i missed you :)

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

After a week of intense courting and serious love confessions it is only natural that I am expecting more out of this. We have shared so much over that week it feels like we have known each other for ever. I am absolutely certain I would want to be with him for the rest of my life and ever I am so happy that at the heat of the moment (and fingers crossed - for as long as we both shall live) he wants the same too. After 26 years of waiting for the right person, how can I ever turn back now that I have found him?

Finding a best friend is one thing and when your best friend turns out to be your long lost soul mate, it's the best thing EVER!

Yes I am seriously IN LOVE.



I am sorry you have to go through this life-changing event. As I have said last night, you just stepped out of your comfort zone and I am so proud you :)

My dear A I hope whoever you chooses in the end is going to make you the happiest person on earth.

I hope it is going to be me.


Woke up today and felt like there is a large hole in my chest. The hole kept getting bigger as the day went on. Sighh..wish i could give you a quick call tonight. :(