b Purely Gibberish: January 2010

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Rindu.

Aku rindu.
Rumah buruk dua pintu tempat kami berteduh hampir suku abad. Saksi pahit maung mama dan papa membesarkan kami. Aku rindu.
Motosikal uzur kesayangan papa yang mengaum sumbang setiap pagi. Aku sumpah motor itu bila tayarnya pancit, maknanya aku akan lambat ke sekolah lagi. Aku rindu.
Kedai kecil nombor dua puluh di lorong Raja Bot. Bau busuk dek tempias pasar Chow Kit; berhabuk bila kereta lalu. Tempat papa menghayun tulang empat kerat mencari rezeki halal untuk kami. Aku rindu.
Pokok nangka tua di depan rumah. Tempat aku menyorok bila mama sudah mula memegang rotan keramatnya. Siapa suruh malas mengaji? Aku rindu.
Bunyi mesin jahit, bunyi merdu dari radio buruk jenama Sony - selang seli suara mama menyanyi lagu kegemarannya di Klasik Nasional FM. Mama sangat suka meleter, cerita benda yang sama banyak-banyak kali. Tapi semua tahu aku sama macam mama. Dari rupa sampailah perangai, fotokopi habis semua. Aku rindu.
Papa yang pendiam. Tapi sebenarnya papa ada banyak cerita suka duka masa zaman muda-muda dulu. Dia tak pernah merasa hidup senang. Tapi sekarang sudah mula tersenyum bila cerita pasal anak-anak. Alhamdulillah. Aku rindu.
Adik cepat betul merajuk bila aku mula membuli. Tapi asal bagi duit mintak beli jajan, mesti senyum balik. Tapi mesti ada upah paling-paling 1 ringgit. Aku rindu.
Abang bergayut sentiasa dengan telefon. Cita-cita nak jadi juruterbang, tapi koleksi Awek lagi banyak dari koleksi 'A' dalam kad laporan. Aku rindu.
Duwah yang sangat innocent. Aku tak pernah cakap ini, tapi aku sangat bangga dengan dia. Mari kita berusaha sama-sama jadi doktor ya! Dah dua tahun kita tak jumpa? Aku rindu.
Farah yang degil. Kau memang suka buat ikut kemahuan kau. Watak 'penjahat' dalam keluarga kita. Kau yang label diri sendiri macam tu. Tapi kau tak tahu, aku sayang sangat dengan kau. Walaupun kau selalu sakitkan hati aku. Aku sayang sangat dengan kau. Kenapa kau nak kahwin tak tunggu aku balik? Sampai hati. Aku rindu.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I know I am not/wouldn't be the 'girl'iest person even if I could help it. I know I am not good at cooking, dressing up or whatever women should do these days. Sorry if it hurt your eyes just to see me passing by. But to have you and other people mocking me for being who I am hurts like being stabbed by a butcher knife.

Thank you.

p/s: Get well soon Najmi!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Sakit perut lak sebab masuk angin. Sejuk agaknye malam tadi. Tak prasan lak.
Teringat satu citer doraemon pasal keledek. Keledek ni mmg best ( sume dari poket deraemon tu macam best je aku rase) sebab dier bleh bagi orang terbang. Cara2nya.. Makan keledek tu banyak2..pastu nnt perut akan banyak angin. Ble banyak angin, cube sehabis baik keluarkan dari bawah...Puuuttt..proottt...kepussss.. Camne pn bunyiknye, angin yang terhasil itu membolehkan orang yang makan keledek tersebut terbang!
Kalo aku buleh makan keledek tu, mesti dah terbang je ke letterkenny menggunakan kuasa angin! Hahahahahahaha

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Have I wronged You somehow?
Tears rolled down slowly...soaking my scarred skin (darn acnes) as I chewed the remaining fried rice. My eyes fell on the deadly looking dried chillies that were swimming freely in between the more appealing sweetcorn. Maybe I had bitten one of them.

Or maybe I was hurt.

My mind immediately tuned to that one person who prepared the fried rice. I must've said/done something utterly unforgivable to keep you so quiet that morning. You walked away without ever once turned back. If you did, you might see me crying. My naked face drowned in tears and disfigured by complicated frown. I looked uglier than I already am. Nevermind that.
The truth is I always managed to deeply hurt the people that I love the most. I know this will eventually happen to you too. Only that I wasn't expecting it to happen this way.
I am a walking, talking and breathing disaster.
Like sweet Ben&Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownies ® that wrapped your taste buds with delight, you kept coming back for more just to one day realize that your weighing scale starts to give you 'false' reading(s). You (so very much) wanted to blame the extra glasses of water you've drank in odd mornings, but deep inside you knew the innocent looking ice cream is responsible. Now the extra fats clung firmly to your flabby hips (not that I tried to imply you have flabby hips) and it would take you about 1000 sit ups to get rid of...and like rubbing salt to the wound, you have to be parted with your favourite pair of jeans (the only one that makes your legs look skinny) for several months. You cringed thinking how something so pleasing could result in a disastrous ending.

I am like that Ben&Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownies ®. Pleasing but disastrous.

I may have babbled too much. But this is the one last thing I want to say. Sorry that I've wronged you.