Glazing over my week schedule, gosh time flies like nobody's business. So much things had happened. Confessions, heart aches, coffee break conversations, tears, unanswered calls, wanting and longing that had been buried underneath it all. I am wrecked. Physically and emotionally tired. If only I could sleep for 765 years to come. Darn this PALS course.
Darn it all. Darn these tears, stop flowing please.
Sometimes it's really hard to understand...but I am so used to doing things on my own, making my own decision, sleep whenever I feel like to, stay up all night doing whatever I want to do, run a marathon with a twisted ankle till the end as if my life depends on it, go to Dublin post-pre call just because shopping makes me feel happy, call somebody if I feel like talking, turn off my phone if I want to be alone. Fancy somebody and un-fancy them without hurting anybody but myself. It's a really completely "self center-ed" single person's world.
You on the other hand, had shared your life intensely with somebody else for so long. So long that you have forgotten how is it like to be alone. And you are afraid of being alone. So afraid that you started to lose confidence. Of your own ability and strength. Now that your life had taking a complete daring (hairpin corner) turn and you are afraid that this road you are taking will lead you to heartache. You've always (need) have somebody to hold your hand and walk beside you, keep reminding you that they are there. But you are strong enough to make this journey dear. Strong enough to go through this loneliness, I am there always though you might think I have abandoned you.
I am proud of you, if only you would feel the same about yourself.
I am a rookie in this game. Remember, it's only a month (plus 2 days) ago that my life had completely turned upside down too. I am trying to cope. I am ! (oh excuses...excuses..!)
I still don't know how to share "my world" though I really wanted to. Especially with you. I don't know how to open up the door of my heart and show you all the love I have within. I have given you the keys, but often times you're too busy mending your own broken heart to even remember. I can't read you when you are so far away, but you still managed to read me through this distance.
Sitting here alone thinking how you just pushed me away a couple of hours ago.
Sitting here thinking maybe..I didn't try hard enough...or maybe I didn't try at all?
Let's work this out. Call me tonight. Please.
