1...2...3....testing.
Okay, reality check. Are these for real? Even as I read the words, none of it make any perfect sense to me. No sense at all. I cannot possibly digest this information; everything seems so unreal. These....these whole experiences had managed to knock all my senses out of their orbits and now they are scattering about in the massive space of illusion. You can tell me now that cows have wings and they can fly, and I'd probably would believe that more than I can believe "this truth" I've learned.
Am I dreaming or am I now in a state of self-created delusion-a terrible one in fact that I cannot differentiate what is real and what is not. I am not making this up am I? Who knows, probably I was too afraid or trying to shut myself from the actual truth, that I've created this imagination. A world where I can feel no pain of rejection, nor saddened by utter loneliness.
(I am definitely not imagining it, the words are right here, right in front of me!)
Ouchh..it hurts when I pinch my cheek-I did it twice, just to be certain. Actually, I shouldn't be doing this on myself should I? Haha. I am desperate, you get the point right? I just couldn't believe it. A dream come true, yet still feel like a dream. I can feel my heart beating; hastened a bit when I read that one single line. Skipped a beat when I thought of the actual person who wrote that single provoking line.
This is a complete madness; which I readily jump into when I wrote that entry yesterday. Madness that I would want to explore, yet too afraid to start the first step. I can hear a loud cheer of celebration on the other end of the line, but I am afraid of the obstacles that awaits me; along my journey towards that end.
For the time being, I'd better just hold on to whatever is near to me and weep my tears of joy. Thank you for....everything.
Okay, reality check. Are these for real? Even as I read the words, none of it make any perfect sense to me. No sense at all. I cannot possibly digest this information; everything seems so unreal. These....these whole experiences had managed to knock all my senses out of their orbits and now they are scattering about in the massive space of illusion. You can tell me now that cows have wings and they can fly, and I'd probably would believe that more than I can believe "this truth" I've learned.
Am I dreaming or am I now in a state of self-created delusion-a terrible one in fact that I cannot differentiate what is real and what is not. I am not making this up am I? Who knows, probably I was too afraid or trying to shut myself from the actual truth, that I've created this imagination. A world where I can feel no pain of rejection, nor saddened by utter loneliness.
(I am definitely not imagining it, the words are right here, right in front of me!)
Ouchh..it hurts when I pinch my cheek-I did it twice, just to be certain. Actually, I shouldn't be doing this on myself should I? Haha. I am desperate, you get the point right? I just couldn't believe it. A dream come true, yet still feel like a dream. I can feel my heart beating; hastened a bit when I read that one single line. Skipped a beat when I thought of the actual person who wrote that single provoking line.
This is a complete madness; which I readily jump into when I wrote that entry yesterday. Madness that I would want to explore, yet too afraid to start the first step. I can hear a loud cheer of celebration on the other end of the line, but I am afraid of the obstacles that awaits me; along my journey towards that end.
For the time being, I'd better just hold on to whatever is near to me and weep my tears of joy. Thank you for....everything.
footnote: these all are interior monologue that the writer is having as she read the YM archive messeges stored in her computer. Ignore her madness-for she is now really in a serious state of delusion.
Peace.
posted by fAraHnaDiaH at
5:23 PM
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