It's already 1 am and I still can't get myself to sleep.. I kept thinking about something. It all begins with reading a blog entry of this one particular person. He broke up with his girlfriend few months ago. He tried to reconcile that wrecked relationship, but failed. At first, all his blog entry was about him being miserable and in despair and how he misses his ex girlfriend. A month later, his blog entry was all about acceptance of his ended relationship. And just recently, I visited his blog again. Yes, I am definitely a frequent visitor of his blog. I can't help it, he is a good writer =)) Anyway, lately all his post is about denying the fact that he ever was in love. It's not that he said he was never been in a relationship. It's just that he kept saying that he is tired of falling in love, he don't care anymore about starting a new relationship, he enjoys being single and more or less things like that. It's a good sign that he is moving on with his life after that awful break up. But the fact that he kept repeating those things in his blog entry; that just make me think that probably he is trying to deny his actual feeling and acceptance. He still can't accept that his relationship had ended that he had to repeat it over and over again in his blog entry-somehow trying to remind himself. Perhaps, this is only my notion. But probably it's the truth. I will never know. Perhaps I should ask him...tee hee...:)
What I am trying to say here is actually, I am probably in the same stage as him. Denial. I am trying hard to deny that I need someone in my life. Someone special that I can share my feelings with. Someone to fills up my day with joy. I am happy-but there is slight emptiness. I keep saying to myself, I don't need any man to make me happy. I am happy just being the way I am. Being in a relationship isn't necessarily will make me happy and stuff like that. Keep repeating that to myself makes me think, am I trying to deny my emotional need? Why do I have to say such thing if I am really happy being just the way I am? Do you ever need to remind yourself that you are happy if you really are?
Life is just too complicated no matter how simple I thought my life is. Now I am too sleepy. got to sleep, class is on tomorrow *yawn~*
posted by fAraHnaDiaH at
1:09 AM
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