I have been feeling particularly lonely today. Been on my bed this whole day, doing nothing. Most probably I am suffering the aftermath of having a terrible fever. The headache was unbearable. Should I have some more beauty sleep? Hehehe =)
Oh yes, about feeling lonely. Well, I don't really know the reason why. I have called my mom yesterday, everyone back home is okay. Safe and sound. So, I think it is not about missing or worrying about my family-not that I don't miss them-the feeling today is just different. I hate it when I can't figure out myself. And this does happen often enough to get on my nerves. Do I need other people's view of my own feeling? I am so pathetic if that is the case. But everyone kept telling me that they can see right through me. Like mind-reading or something. One person in particular even said I am not good in hiding my thought and feelings. Am I that superficial? So, why couldn't I understand myself still? Until this very moment living my life as me, I still can't figure out what kind of person I am. What do I need in life, why I behave that way, or this way? I do not know.
Certainly I don't know what other person is thinking when they look at me. If you pass by a stranger, he then looks at you. What do you think that stranger was thinking? Is it about you? Or is it his mind is actually wondering off somewhere, not even thinking about you for a mere second. Would you mind, or curious to know what that person think either if it's bad or not? Well, when I look at someone that I pass by, sometimes, I did think something about that person. Where is he from or why he is in such a hurry, or is she missing someone that she is looking so gloomy like that? I wish someone would stop me and ask me what I think about them. I don't know why. I just wanted to. Not that I want it to happen the other way around. I would not dare to ask a stranger what he thinks of me, though I am very curious indeed.
Sometimes when I am alone, I think I'm that stranger. And have had a look at myself; I can't figure out the person whom I was looking at, because she is - a stranger. I neither think bad about her nor think that she is good. She is just another person I bump into today. Nothing special or particularly outstanding. And I still can't figure out myself. Boohoo.
posted by fAraHnaDiaH at
10:17 PM
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