Purely Gibberish

2011-12-17T11:24:00.002Z

Day 4 oral prednisolone.

Now I wish I could have IV steroids instead. One more day to go!
But wait, becotide is for a month.

Throat torture.

2011-12-16T11:38:00.006Z

Spending four hours in Emergency Department as a patient makes me realize few things..

One: I often neglect my own health..knowing the natural history of an illness doesn't always make it predictable.
Two: I don't express my love often enough to the people who truly matters..if I didn't make it..
Three: The last time I was in ED with asthma was about 10 years back; never knew I would have to revisit the feeling of dying and choking on my own breath.
Four: My dear SPR who wheeled me down to ED even though I insisted on walking; I always thought she didn't like me for some reason. I was wrong in every way. Thanks Sarah.
Five: I hate having IV line and getting infusion. Ha!
------------------------------------------------

I had a quick glimpse at her page yesterday. Looking at that woman who is smiling, celebrating her birthday with good friends. So happy. Content. Then I saw it; those tired eyes..wonder if she had sleepless nights since that day.

I can't help it but to feel guilty.

2011-11-20T21:11:00.001Z

Nak kahwin. Like seriously.

2011-11-06T22:59:00.003Z

Drifting slowly to slumberland with tears rolling down my cheeks. Why? Tears of joy? *sarcasm*

You've found her and then she went missing again. Apologize. Let us find her. Tomorrow.

2011-11-05T09:31:00.000Z

Tired

2011-10-21T11:45:00.002+01:00

Three weeks at home is almost over. So many events, places(and people) i have experienced, seen(and met) and surely going to be remembered.

There is one face I miss more than anything else. Sayang i miss u so mch. Love u loads!

2011-09-30T04:55:00.004+01:00

Glazing over my week schedule, gosh time flies like nobody's business. So much things had happened. Confessions, heart aches, coffee break conversations, tears, unanswered calls, wanting and longing that had been buried underneath it all. I am wrecked. Physically and emotionally tired. If only I could sleep for 765 years to come. Darn this PALS course.

Darn it all. Darn these tears, stop flowing please.

Sometimes it's really hard to understand...but I am so used to doing things on my own, making my own decision, sleep whenever I feel like to, stay up all night doing whatever I want to do, run a marathon with a twisted ankle till the end as if my life depends on it, go to Dublin post-pre call just because shopping makes me feel happy, call somebody if I feel like talking, turn off my phone if I want to be alone. Fancy somebody and un-fancy them without hurting anybody but myself. It's a really completely "self center-ed" single person's world.

You on the other hand, had shared your life intensely with somebody else for so long. So long that you have forgotten how is it like to be alone. And you are afraid of being alone. So afraid that you started to lose confidence. Of your own ability and strength. Now that your life had taking a complete daring (hairpin corner) turn and you are afraid that this road you are taking will lead you to heartache. You've always (need) have somebody to hold your hand and walk beside you, keep reminding you that they are there. But you are strong enough to make this journey dear. Strong enough to go through this loneliness, I am there always though you might think I have abandoned you.

I am proud of you, if only you would feel the same about yourself.

I am a rookie in this game. Remember, it's only a month (plus 2 days) ago that my life had completely turned upside down too. I am trying to cope. I am ! (oh excuses...excuses..!)

I still don't know how to share "my world" though I really wanted to. Especially with you. I don't know how to open up the door of my heart and show you all the love I have within. I have given you the keys, but often times you're too busy mending your own broken heart to even remember. I can't read you when you are so far away, but you still managed to read me through this distance.

Sitting here alone thinking how you just pushed me away a couple of hours ago.

Sitting here thinking maybe..I didn't try hard enough...or maybe I didn't try at all?

Let's work this out. Call me tonight. Please.

2011-09-21T23:56:00.000+01:00

Sedih kene ignored buat kesekian kalinya.. Saya bersalah lagikah?

Ok sila berusaha untuk tidur.

Bertabahanlah hati.

2011-09-16T12:31:00.001+01:00

BuDak jari gemok dh ade phone baru and pandai whatsapp! Tapi susah nak taip sebab jari x runcing. Hahahhahaha! Xoxo

2011-09-15T06:56:00.005+01:00

Day 1 of a long 2 months.

Stay strong dear hearts. We will be together then for lifetime.
Love you loads.
--------------------------
Day 1: paeds teaching was on in Dublin. Scary cases presentation really put me off paeds for half of the day. Then I was thinking I should do more studying in order to manage my patient well. In the end these cases are meant to be shared so that we can learn from other people's mistakes.

Had dinner with Kat! Haven't seen each other for ages! Gossiping is the best when it's with the right crowd. Love the two people who were with me. Took my mind off missing a certain someone. Then the clock striked 10; it would be around the time when I would be chatting with you and sharing highlights of our day or just reminiscing things from the past. Hmm..

Later this evening I was trying to unclog Aimee's bathroom sink and suddenly realized that I didn't manage to teach you how to 'deliver CPR' to your shower drain if it were to get clogged again. Oh well, I suppose you can get one of those chemical unclogger. I miss you.

2011-09-10T23:54:00.002+01:00

I don't know what went wrong today but you just went missing. Don't you know my heart is going wild wondering what I did to hurt you that much? You've promised you won't hurt me anymore but today you did anyway. Thank you for making me cry again.

2011-09-07T20:35:00.001+01:00

36 hours = 1 year and a half later

So, we are still not over each other. So glad you called. You have no idea how much i missed you :)

2011-09-06T07:52:00.005+01:00

After a week of intense courting and serious love confessions it is only natural that I am expecting more out of this. We have shared so much over that week it feels like we have known each other for ever. I am absolutely certain I would want to be with him for the rest of my life and ever I am so happy that at the heat of the moment (and fingers crossed - for as long as we both shall live) he wants the same too. After 26 years of waiting for the right person, how can I ever turn back now that I have found him?

Finding a best friend is one thing and when your best friend turns out to be your long lost soul mate, it's the best thing EVER!

Yes I am seriously IN LOVE.

Smitten

Vulnerable.

I am sorry you have to go through this life-changing event. As I have said last night, you just stepped out of your comfort zone and I am so proud you :)

My dear A I hope whoever you chooses in the end is going to make you the happiest person on earth.

I hope it is going to be me.

----------------------

Woke up today and felt like there is a large hole in my chest. The hole kept getting bigger as the day went on. Sighh..wish i could give you a quick call tonight. :(

2011-08-28T06:30:00.002+01:00

Mark this day. We will be reunited after endless texting flirting and refreshing arguments. I hope he will never let me go this time.

2011-08-14T13:35:00.002+01:00

Dear diary. Am I ready for this ultimate heartbreak?
Would this be the last time we will ever see each other?
Would you keep pushing me away because you want to be with her?
Should I lay my plans on the table, I wonder how would you react to it...this is thrilling somewhat.

Two weeks to prepare, come on heart be strong. For whatever is the verdict you know it would be for the best. Oh dear oh dear..

2011-08-10T01:05:00.002+01:00

When it comes to you and me, I note that there is a fine line between being friends or lovers, very fine line between flirting and actual courting and a very very fine line between having simple crush or genuinely falling in love. I might have crossed those lines forward and back but unsure each time where I should be heading to; where are we heading to, really?

4 years surely is a long time to be in an emotional limbo.. Where do you think I should go to next? Couple of steps forward might do no harm...

...sigh..

x

2011-07-29T01:30:00.005+01:00

I am so upset tonight. There was a boy I saw last Sunday in A&E came back again this evening with similar complaint but new symptoms. Turn out that his CVP line might be blocked/leaking causing the symptoms. I am upset because I have requested the snr reg to review him on Sunday; but casually being told to discharge this boy without seeing him since he is feeding ok and clinically well. I am upset because the line wasn't working since Friday last week and no one has the decency to report it. I am upset because the "fact that the line malfunction could be the reason for his symptoms" didn't cross my mind. I am upset because the consultant now see me as being in-capable of making the right decision by getting senior person to review a complicated case as this (although I did - TWICE!!). I am so upset that I cannot sleep tonight, I am coughing non stop since yesterday and I cannot stop thinking about the boy. I hope he would be okay.

Ughhhh, one of the dilemma of doing paeds is most of your patients can't give you any history!!!!

-------------------------------

And I am really upset with this person who wouldn't take no as an answer. NO YOU CAN'T COME WITH ME TO LONDON!!!" N O

2011-07-26T02:42:00.006+01:00

Gila ah sampai dekat pukul 3 pagi berjaga mengusha blog kanak2 lepasan SPM yang bakal fly ke luar negara. Wei terasa tua gila. Riang gembiranya kanak2 itu mahu mengenal dunia. Tapi diorg lagi kenal dunia dari aku nampaknye. Dah bercouple bthn2, jelajah dunia sane sini, henglish berabuk mak datuk (ape kaitan). Anyway.....*ehem*ehem*

Kalau ikut perasaan aku tak percaya pun aku dah nak cecah 26 tahun usia. Tapi hakikatnye IC dan birth cert ku tidak menipu. Kad garda pun takleh tipu sebab same dengan passport ngan IC. Nampaknye aku aje yang menipu diri sendiri...

26 tahun? Bawak kereta pun tak tahu (ok esok kene pegi hantar cert theory test haritu), boyfriend tak pernah ade, rumah belum beli, simpanan belum cukup ~~RM 10,000~~ RM 20,000 mahu melabur di ASB, jerawat tak hilang2 lagi macam budak remaja dengan hormon berterabur arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tensen, lepas tu sume jururawat tanye aku dah ade anak ke stiap kali bergurau senda ngan kanak2 kat spital tu. SObs... muka macam mak budak dah ek :(

~~Eh tiba-tiba notice biceps ku sangat pejal, hmmmm ni mesti sebab selalu mengangkut kanak2 berusia 24 jam semasa baby check.~~

"the pic was good and d girl in it looked pretty"
And so u said. The fact u r still taken is indeed heartbreaking.

2011-07-25T14:49:00.002+01:00

London Holidays BOOKED!!

2011-07-21T23:49:00.005+01:00

Tete-a-tete

I can't help but to wonder. In the end are you happy now that you have chosen to be with her? Are you contented? Are you certain your heart would not go astray?

When you think back, it's just a matter of saying how you felt, deep in your heart. And we would've been together. I know you hate talking about the past. If it's a mistake you said just let the bygone be bygone. But would you live with your mistakes forever? I wonder if you are wondering too.

2011-07-18T23:34:00.002+01:00

I am just so comfortable with how things are going these days. Having short coffee breaks together. Occasional road trips accross the country or just somewhere near. Few text messages when we're bored. Exchanging gossips and latest news. Each moment is precious, each second is a treasure. Every now and then I cant help myself but to wish we arent just friends. We get along so well; I wish there are more to these than just a daily hellos and goodbyes.

I could picture myself waking up every morning to see the same face over and over again. Saying things like "good day to u dear" or "I hope u have a great day at work!", " I miss you" or even something as cheesy as "Dear, I truly deeply love you". I would not regret anything I dont think, no. I dont even think it will ever cross my mind!

Wishful thinking Farah. As always, it gets you nowhere. Only a place where your heart is shattered when you realized he is going to be another one that gets away.

I know that place too well.

2011-07-11T00:28:00.001+01:00

Day one SHO. Paeds SHO to be exact. Nervoussssss :s

Kids be nice to me please.

2011-06-24T17:10:00.002+01:00

Oh Harold,

I am head over heels.

Oh Harold,

Give me a kiss.

Oh Harold,

Hug me tight please!

I want youuuu Harold

2011-06-11T07:06:00.001+01:00

Don't let me be alone tonight; this i would want to say to u. If i'll ever be brave enough.

But i'm such a despicable coward.

2011-05-07T17:18:00.000+01:00

I am trying very hard not to cut my hair this time. Tangan jangan gatal plis plis. oh!

2011-04-26T21:05:00.004+01:00

same SHIT different year.

So I've had this crush since 2005 - on someone's boyfriend. If I were his girlfriend, I would definitely kill - me; for even trying to chat this guy up in the first place. The problem is, I didn't chat him up. We sort of just clicked. He knows me well and I (convinced myself that I) know him too. So, four years ago I kinda said to him - look, this feelings aren't just passing by, I think I like you more than just 'a friend'. Things didn't really go uphill since, but more the total opposite. So, being a ~~kind hearted person~~ logical person, I put an end to the 'friendship' or whatever we had then. I deleted his number, email address, photos etc. I said the final goodbye with utter determination - NOT to have anything to do with him again.

It wasn't the best decision but someone have to do it. Someone have to be the mature adult, and I decided that it should be me. Besides, he would still have his girlfriend and who cares if I am left with no one. No surprise I was in agony for years and honestly, I don't know how I went through final year with this shit constantly lingering at the back of my mind.

So four years flew by without any news from either side. Swoooshhhhhhhhh. Don't ask me what happen but I am finding myself in the same SHIT all over again. We are TEXTing and SKYPEing since I don't know when. And for weeks now I realize, I am back where I started four years ago. Missing. Wanting. Hoping. Frustrated little girl wanting something she could never have. Ever.

And yes he is still with the same girl.

Frankly I need to end this shit FOR GOOD.

2011-04-02T15:52:00.005+01:00

Hari ni aku rase serabut macam bulu ayam tercarik-carik. Apetah sebabnye tatau la aku.

Oh mungkin sebab mimpi malam tadi. Ade dua stage mimpi. Satu, member aku clash pastu aku kawen ngan dier. Aku dah lame jatuh hati ngan member aku ni, so memang dah lame aku berharap that this would happen (ahaha!). Tapi dalam mimpi tu 'reality'nye aku tak bahagia pun. Sebabnye aku yang menyebabkan dier clash ngan awek dier yang dah bertahun-tahun bercinta. Rase bersalah siot~
**pastu terbangunand tgk jam pukul 2 pagi and pastu tido balik**

Stage ke-dua mimpi, aku kawen ngan member aku yang kitorang skarang tengah kompius samade dier ni homogay ke tak. Seram dowh. Mak aku dah la sibuk suruh kawen dengan dier. Takut aku, sebab dalam mimpi ni si dia ialah tak gay. Pastu bila bangun serabut sebab tak sabar nak cakap "I ~~love~~ like you!" kat dier.

Eh apesal mimpi bab kawen je ni. Bongok.

2011-03-19T10:46:00.001Z

Tergolek golek di hujung minggu adalah best. Besttttttnye!!! Oh lpas ni nk pegi spa. Oh aromatherapy massage. Oh bestnyeeeee!

2011-03-13T21:36:00.007Z

Sejak cardiac arrest hari tu, aku tak pernah hidup tenang. There is something not right about him having SOB and 5 minutes later arrested and died. Tahulah he is already 91 with CCF, aortic stenosis w gradient on 80 mmHg and ongoing pleural effusion...but he is so well that day I couldn't believe that he arrested. Not that I am not accepting fate, but what if the arrest was preventable.. Dah la aku first on scene...what if he actually just choking on biscuits or whateverlah he was munching on that dreadful night. What if...what if...?

Haiyaa...guilt ridden sampai nak baca ACLS ni pun terbayang-bayang muka pakcik tu. Dammit! Better ring Usman and ask him whats the result of the post mortem. Aku takkan tenang selagi aku tak tahu.

2011-03-10T05:36:00.002Z

Cardiac arrest.

Downside: patient did not survive
Upside: got to ride the car w anaest SHO who happens to be my long lost crush! Long time no see dr Robert!

Boohoo. Patient kept dying.. Bleargh.

2011-03-05T23:21:00.003Z

My daily dose of love: 5 minutes of pointless conversations with u.

Xoxo

2011-02-26T12:47:00.003Z

This is maaadddd. I feel like kissing someone's lips today- preferably a man. Preferably this man sitting in front of me. Hahahahaha.. Outrageous hormonal surge, go away!!!

Last nite call was crazy. No sho cover so i am looking after the whooooleeee merlin park. HA HA HA HA. Between 5 admissions, two cannulas and three reviews i only got 20 mins of disturbed sleep in total. Now i am in this medicolegal workshop. *yawn*

2011-01-31T02:35:00.002Z

Malam2 oncall kt spital ni sume berbunyi, berupa, ber ape2 jelah - tp kesimpulannye serammmmmm. Nasib baik bukan kt hosp msia. Td ade family bace doa utk relative yg dying, bunyi cam dlm film exorcism. Perghhhhh meremang! Ok sila jgn fikir bukan2.

Aih, ade org kate aku kiut. Pergh, rs nk muntah pn ade ni. Bang, taulah kau rabun tp jgn la hina aku sampai cmtu skali. Sobs.

Esok nk pergi wayang sama aimee! Wweeeee! My mission to watch 1st movie w mr right is abandoned. As the pepatah would say, sila berpijak d bumi nyata. There is no mr right in this world!

2011-01-13T19:29:00.003Z

Lately I feel so less motivated. I go to work but my heart is not in it. Poor patients...I just don't care anymore. Work is mild, I'm barely doing anything. My team members are so nice(!) so I know it's not them. It's me. I am not me anymore.

Everyday I go back to this empty home I wish I am still in 10 St Endas. I miss the good ol' student days. I miss my ol' housemates/underground family member. I miss our gossiping sessions, I miss our kitchen. I miss hanging out in Intan's room. I miss us watching movies together.

Come to think of it I don't know if I want to do this anymore. This. Being a doctor. All the six years of effort feels like nothing. I feel like I'm pretending to be a doctor. I am wearing a skin of a doctor but there is someone else underneath it.. (oh this better not be a schizophrenic symptoms!). Sigh..

Anyway I feel miserable and alone.

Maybe the bottom point to this is that - I feel alone.

*sobs*

...now don't say there's going to be sunshine after the rain! I am not having any of it.

2010-12-30T22:20:00.006Z

Bosannye takde update dari sape2.

Kalo ade update kat FB pun gamba tunang/kawen/tunang/kawen bertalu-talu.

MUNTAH

(ok ni macam ade unsur-unsur cemburu)

Hahahaha..

Hari ni ade pakcik tanye aku ni dah ade boyfriend Irish ke blom.
Aku cakap takde lah pakcik.
Dier cakap ade boyfriend langsung ke tak ni?
Aku cakap takde lah (nada dah pathetic giler)
Oh takkan lah orang cantik macam kau ni takde boyfriend.
Aku gelak aje sambil cucuk cannula kuat-kuat (aku cantik ke, amik kau!)

Haihh...balik msia orang tanye pasal ni.
Kat hospital kat negara asing pn orang tanye pasal ni.

Kalo orang perempuan yang dah nampak lanjut usia macam aku ni memang takde soalan lain ke nak tanye melainkan pasal boyfriend atau isu kawen? Sensitip nak mampus ok. Jangan tanye lagi boleh tak?

(mula lah nak cakap kasar-kasar ni)

Orang aku minat ialah GAY ok!!

Pastu aku ialah tidak cantik langsung bagaimana harus mendapat boyfriend? Kau nak kapel dengan aku ke?

Aku suka gelak kuat-kuat, pastu muka aku mostly camni. MenTakut kan? Tau takpe

MENYAMPAH~~!

Apepun...cucilah mataku puas2

2010-12-28T12:44:00.003Z

Melody Gardot - I am a fool.

dedicated to En. A.

Who was I to know that this was always only just a little game to you?
All the time I thought you gave you heart, I thought that I would do the same for you
Tell the truth I think I should have seen it coming from a mile away,
From the words you say, oh

Baby I'm a fool who thinks it's cool to fall in love

If I gave a thought to fascination I would know it wasn't right to care,
Logic doesn't seem to mind that I am fascinated by a love affair,
Still my heart would benefit from a little tenderness from time to time,
But never mind

'Cause baby I'm a fool who thinks it's cool to fall in love

Maybe I should hold on just a moment, and be sure it's not for vanity,
Look me in the eye and tell me love is never based upon insanity, yeah
Either way my heart is beating hurry up the moment's fleeting,
Kiss me now,
Don't ask me how

'Cause baby I'm a fool who thinks it's cool to fall,
Baby I'm a fool who thinks it's cool to fall,
And I would never tell,
If you became a fool and fell in love

2010-12-14T00:08:00.002Z

I hate having these palpitations.
Shouldnt have drank that coffee

....or look at that certain someone.

Darn!

Lup dub lup dup (140 bpm)

2010-12-12T12:45:00.003Z

Back watching the Sups. Torn between loving Dean too much....and reality.
Convinced that the writers are atheists. They killed God. And they worship Lucifer. Chills.

Feels bored and lonely these days. Still, I think I need zero human interactions. No more conversations about work/exams /love/ friendship. Whatever.

I think my boyfriend is hot in scrubs. Ha!

2010-12-08T22:11:00.005Z

Yeay! Finally finished the call week! Just me a reg and mr c dog with 30 patients to mind. No SHO.

Well one patient died of bleeding..he was bleeding PR, PU, bleeding from his stoma and nephrostomy tube...poor fella. I ve to ask mr c dog about the post mortem result if he is in a good mood tomorrow.

Haih the APR lady gave the final blow to our crazy week. INR of 2.9 discovered a day prior surgery! But then it does made me discover the powerful effect of vit K.. ;)

2010-12-05T03:50:00.005Z

I in the middle of something i am not actually proud at doing. I am stuck here with a bunch of happy people but i cannot be on the same boat. I am too conscious of how wrong all of these are.

Oh god please help me.

-----------------------------

I hate this.

I am missing him so much - again. I texted him of same. Now I am feeling stupid because the feeling is not mutual. Never was, never will. Why am I still holding on to memories when he has clearly moved on? Damn it.

He said this is just"a moment of weakness". Hun, you never knew how many of these moments I have had since 4 years ago. Only this time I could not keep it anymore and decided to spill the beans.

Silly. I know.

2010-11-28T21:32:00.003Z

Day 1 Berlin

I have just arrived. But I know I want to come back here again.

2010-11-27T06:39:00.002Z

Berlin!

Called Mr C Dog's mobile to ask permission to take my annual leave yesterday. He was being so cute at replying I cannot help myself but to laugh along. I am really bad at doing things at the very last minute! Imagine if he would've said - no you cant take that leave. What would I do?

Anyway, Berlin here i come!

2010-11-23T20:41:00.006Z

Apart from the depressing economy news everything here is under control. Oh i spoke too soon; I've quite disappointing news over the weekend. Maybe I should tell Mum her dreams is never coming true. Ever.

I saw Alex in the Christmas market so I know he is back in motherland. I missed Alex. Didn't realize that until the moment I saw him. My heart skipped a beat and my tummy was full of butterflies. Love. Sigh.... Might actually go down to galway and go to Schuh - just in case that he is back working there again.

Haihh..saw Mr C Dog face when I arrived late for rounds yesterday. I am sure he wasn't impressed with all the "sorry I woke up late today" explaination.

I had an 'awkward silence' moment with someone. I felt so awfully bad + embarrased for being immature. I am sorry for what I ve said. You know who you are. I am sorry.

Berlin, you are my only hope for emotional comfort now. Please don't let me down.

2010-11-18T10:07:00.003Z

Aku tak paham orang2 hipokrit ni. Cakap pasal agama berapi-api. Ok lah tu. Pastu bercinta dengan boyfriend dalam blog/facebook pun berapi-api! Baik sangat lah tu. Blah!

2010-10-30T07:39:00.005+01:00

Nurse dalam cerita di bawah sudah berubah 180 darjah. No more shouting, shrieking, yelling etc. Smlm dier mintak chart fluid dengan senyuman, suara lembut, lapan puluh kali cakap please. I thought I was dreaming. Hek hek hek. I heard she had sore throat for good number of days. Patutlah dah lame tak nampak. Amik ko. Doa termakbul.

------------------------------

Eh tetibe i realize, everytime i wish something bad to happen to someone yang sakitkn hati i, sume jadi. Hah. Then I teringat, sometime few months back ade orang hurt my feelings so bad, i could not sleep properly for few days. Time dekat exam pulak tu. Lepas tu mintak maaf macam tah hape-hape. Hah.

*fikir do'a jahat2*

2010-10-06T23:18:00.005+01:00

Rase nk lempang nurse ni for real. Apesal kurang ajar sangat??? Tau lah dah tua, boleh kasar2 dgn org muda cam aku. Tapi jerit2 and pastu cakap kasar macam orang tak beradab takkan buat aku taip surat macam speedy gonzalez pun. Mangkuk btul. Suruh ko taip baru tau. TOTALLY NOT HELPING ME. Bengang btul. I wish u'd have vocal cord paralysis tomorrow. Ameen.

2010-09-27T23:10:00.001+01:00

One thing i hate about having an asthma attack is, it always happen at night when i'm ready for bed. No way i'm getting up to get nebs now. Heh.

2010-09-01T22:40:00.004+01:00

SHIT

If u are taken, act like so. Ignore me. Ignore my text and my invitation to go out together. We've never been friends and there is no reason to be friendly with me. Why do u have to say yes and now ur gf is feeling all insecure and started texting me?

Shit, I'm not going to end up messing someone's relationship AGAIN. Fullstop.

2010-08-31T04:41:00.003+01:00

I am all excited about going home. Finally, Eid in Malaysia after six years. To be honest I've forgotten how is it like to be celebrating Raya at home. There were few vague memories of waking up early in the morning and ironing everyone elses baju kurung/baju melayu. Taking a short -extremely cold- shower. And food. Loads of them food. Yum (as Liz would have said). Duit raya is the best part of them all. I remember being given RM 50 once by a distant uncle. RM 50 is A LOT for a poor secondary schoolgirl like me. Happy days. Happy happy days.

This raya would not be the same though. I'll be the one handling over the duit raya. Woooo T_T

2010-08-22T16:25:00.002+01:00

Semalam aku tgk Salt. james beriye lah ajak tgk. Fine. Nasib baiklah best citer tu. Cam laju je plot pastu penuh kejutan2. Tapi satu je yang aku nk gelak. Si orang jahat tu nk letupkan Mekah ngan nuclear weapon. Kate nk provoke muslims supaya benci US. Pastu in the end Puan Heroin berjaya mengalahkan orang jahat dan mengelakkan Mekah dari diletupkan (ok spoil la sape yg blom tgk citer ni). Tapii tu lah, anjelina joli selamatkan Mekah beb, tak bleh blahhhhh!

2010-08-01T20:41:00.005+01:00

Can't believe the month of July is over. I've been an intern for a month!

Currently I'm in someone's room enjoying this high tech gadget called iMac, just finished watching August Rush by myself and crying buckets. The movie is not logical in any way and i hate jonathan rhys meyers but I cried anyway. Probably I'm missing home way too much. Better sort my holidays soon.

Watching Notting Hill. Wish William Thacker is not only a fictional character.

*sigh*

...

2010-07-25T22:25:00.003+01:00

My body is trying its best to tell me that I'm stress up. I've lost 3 kgs in the last week. IMB (no need to say much on that). Eczema, OMG itchyyyy!! My hair is falling all over the place. Pimplesssssssssss!!!! Ughhh! When this 'on-take' week is over I am certain that I'd end up looking like gollum. With pimples. Certain.

And mum is not helping by keep pushing me to find myself A-LIFE-PARTNER soon; like good + good looking men are easily found in abundance? She kept comparing me and my sister (who is now blissfully married) and that just tipped me off. I can take anything except being compared to my sister!! I literally cried and finally threatened her that I've determined to live by myself - forever. Though it's quite unnerving saying things like that (like what if that actually happens??) I just could not help it. Sorry mum, your daughter is throwing yet another childish tantrum.

boohoo.

2010-07-18T01:23:00.006+01:00

I have Ugly Feet But It's None Of Your Business

I've a good feeling that my presentation (which is no where near finishing) would end up being criticized (like in a bad way) this Monday. And all hell breaks loose since Mr Consultant is back from his 2 weeks hols! Not looking forward to work. Ughhhhhhh~

Yeah, I'm in SULKY mood this week. The house is still in a mess. Boxes everywhere. Dirty plates in the sink. More boxes. Paper bags. Table lamps. A MESS!

I want Liz's apartment. One double room to fit everything, one bathroom, kitchen and living room. I don't mind paying 500 eu as long as I'm happy! My current room is smaller than the one I had in Galway but I'm paying MORE for LESS space. WTH?!

AND WHERE IS MY IPOD SHUFFLE???????? GRRRRRRR

---------------------------------------------------------------

Be Mine Lyrics (Robyn Cover with Erik Hassle)

It's a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain
As if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain
There'll be no last chance to promise to never mess it up again
Just a sweet pain of watching your back as you walk
As I'm watching you walk away

And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said

It's a cruel thing you'll never know all the ways I tried
It's a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside

And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said

And you never were
and you never will be mine
No you were never were
and you never will be mine

For the first time there is no mercy in your eyes
And the cold winds hitting my face and you're gone
And you're walking away, away
And I am helpless sometimes
Wishing's just no good
Cause you don't see me like I wish you would

Cause you never were and you never will be mine
No you never were and you never will be mine

There's a moment to seize every time we meet
But you always keep passing me by
But you never were and you never will be mine
No you were never were and you never will be mine

There's a moment to seize every time that we meet
But you always keep passing me by
But you never were and you never will be mine

2010-06-22T23:22:00.006+01:00

Toro, Lisz & Najmi.

Gambar hiasan tiada kaitan dengan cerita

Kerana kita semua manusia yang tidak pernah merasa puas.

Masa kecik-kecik tak sabar nak besar. Dah besar/tua bangka rase nak jadik budak kecik balik.

Masa masih student tak sabar nak grad/kerja. Dah kerja nak jadik student balik.

Masa single nak ade couple/kahwin. Bila dah berpasangan nak jadi single balik.

Bila ada kawan rase takde privasi selalu. Bila kawan dah takde rase nak menangis kesunyian.

Masa belum ade blog, rase nak menulis membuak-buak. Bila dah ade blog, nak menulis pun dah rasa muak.

Bila dapat pass, nak 2nd honours, dah dapat 2nd honours, nak 1st honours.

Sebelum adik datang, tak sabar je nak dier datang. Mase dier ade gaduh aje tak sudah-sudah. Bila dier nak balik ni nangislah sendiri senyap-senyap.

Sebelum balik malaysia, tak sabar betul! Bila dah balik malaysia cari pasal aje dengan mak. Bila dah jauh rindu tahap gaban rasa nak balik lagi dan lagi dan lagi.

Masa miskin rase nak kaya. Bila dah kaya rasa nak jadik trillionaire (takde kot orang nak jadik miskin balik).

Bila ngantuk tido, bila dah tido menyesal sebab tido siang dan terbuntang mata malam-malam.

Haa..layan jiwanglah ku sendiri. *sob*sob*

-----------------------------------------

Lately perkataan favourite aku ialah 'ayam belanda'. Apesal tah. Mungkin aku tengah mengidam.

Aku rase aku kene consider balik misi mencari pakwe mat saleh ni...Hari tu dah mission abandoned sebab memang rase takde harapan. Maklumlah target yang lama tu dah mempunyai awek tetap. Hahaha. Mangsa terbaru encik Tim. Walaupun most of the time dier ni macam orang takde perasaan, tapi bila dier belanja bento box kat Tamarind haritu aku rase nak peluk-peluk je. (Hahaha..memanglah the best way to get to my heart is through my stomach). Anyway, ketinggian dier dah mencapai spesifikasi, rupa paras memang lame dah melebihi target. Sebab dier tak suka ambil gambar maka aku memberi pembayang je lah, Vincent Ventresca versi muda mudi. Hensem dow. Hahahahahahaha.. Gila mengarut dah ni.

2010-06-02T15:58:00.003+01:00

Sejak akhir-akhir ini hati saya membuak-buak dengan perasaan yang macam-macam, kebanyakannye sume perasaan yang tak menyeronokkan.

1) Takut

Saya takut nak mula internship. Sejak kecil saya ingin menjadi doktor. Kalau di kelas main doktor-doktor, inject kawan pakai pensel tekan bagai. Haha..terasa macam real je. Datang negara orang ni, enam tahun belajar untuk menjadi doktor. Bila tiba masa untuk menjadi seorang doktor, saya takut.

*Oiiii ape kau takut sangat ni makcik????* -- monolog dalaman penulis

2) Menyampahkan

Saya menyampah dengan orang dan menyebabkan orang menyampah dengan saya. Saya tidak tahu kenapa saya menyampah dengan banyak benda/ ramai orang. Jika saya menyebabkan kamu menyampah dengan saya, saya dengan rasminya meminta maaf dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki.

3) Sukar teruja

Periksa sudah habis dan sudah lulus; adik sudah datang sini; cuaca cantik molek; akan pergi London jalan-jalan 12 june ni...semua perkara mengujakan telah/akan berlaku. Mengapa saya rasa seperti siput sedut yang terperangkap dalam cengkerang???

4) Marah

Apa yang saya marahkan? Entahlah. Marahnyeeeeeeeeee. Marahnyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh bencinye bila serabut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-31T01:00:00.005+01:00

The thing about love is, once you've fallen there is no way getting out of it.

When will I ever forget my first love if he keeps holding on to me?

No matter how hard I try to forget everything, he still manages to stir up these emotions. He kept reminding me that he's still the same person who took away my fluttering heart as I presented it on a silver platter, showered it with some gasoline and set it on fire...and walked away as he watched my heart burn.

Why do I still not able to hate him?

Why do I still love him despite every hurtful things I've been through?

I wonder when will I stop being so melancholic about unrequited love..

Pathetic fool.

2010-05-22T19:07:00.009+01:00

The Conversations Has Begun

I wanted to dig deep. You tried hard to avoid the questions. I offered you some closure and hurt my pride in the process. Still you didn't budge. Man, you're getting tough since the last battle. Answer me;

Was it love that we felt or was it just mere lust to an opposite sex?

We seems to be able to understand each others' silence, but I could not understand you now. Answer me. Please.

--------------------------------------

Landon Pigg

Great Companion

It's not that you've lost a friend
I just need some time to lick my wounds
I'll be out of service for a little while
I'm sure I'll be up and running soon

He's just an amateur these days
Not used to dealing with this pain
He's just an amateur these days
Never thought that he'd see a girl away

And our history will never be erased
You were a great companion
And some memories will never ever fade
So I love and so I hate

What we were I never knew nor did you
That's exactly what you hated
For three years you were confused
And for three years, my intentions left unstated

And our history can never be erased
You were a great companion
And some memories will never ever fade
So I love and so I hate

So this is the end..
Of an innocent era, an innocent era?

I didn't want you but I did it's never wrong but it is

And our history can never be erased
You were a great companion
And some memories will never fade away
You were a great companion

And our history can never be erased
You were a great companion
And some memories will never ever ever fade

2010-05-16T23:27:00.007+01:00

Masalah

Saya ada satu masalah. Saya pelabel. Maksud saya, pada kali pertama saya berjumpa seseorang itu saya akan melabel dia dalam kategori yang saya reka dalam kepala saya sendiri, contoh kategori termasuklah:

1) orang baik

2) orang pelik

3) orang jahat

4) orang sombong

5) orang yang menyampahkan (annoying)

6) orang yang masih tidak dapat dikenalpasti kategori apa

7) orang yang boleh menjadi kawan dunia akhirat.

Sebenarnya kategori ini tidak tetap, kadang kala ada sahaja kategori tambahan atau kategori yang terpaksa dibubarkan kerana tiada ahli tetap. Seseorang boleh juga masuk dalam beberapa kategori sekaligus.

Contoh:

Hari ini saya pertama kali berjumpa encik X, dia seorang : pelik + menyampahkan

Amaran: Label-label ini semua hanyalah berdasarkan gerak hati saya semata-mata tanpa bukti/alasan yang kukuh.

Setiap kategori pula akan diikuti dengan pelan tindakan contohnya;

1)Orang menyampahkan - elakkan dari berjumpa orang ini dengan sehabis baik

2)Orang jahat - pura-pura tidak perasan setiap kali berselisih

3)Orang pelik - biarkan mereka di dunia mereka sendiri(jangan mencari pasal dengan orang kategori ini kerana mereka lebih sukar diramal)

Maka contoh penuh:

Hari ini saya pertama kali berjumpa dengan encik X, dia seorang pelik dan menyampahkan. Maka saya harus elakkan diri dari berjumpa dengan dia dan jika terjumpa saya harus membiarkan dia dalam dunia dia sendiri.

-------------------------------------------------------

Di sini saya ingin menegaskan bahawa adalah tidak bagus langsung tindakan melabel seseorang itu dan aktiviti ini sangat tidak digalakkan. Dan saya selalu silap melabel orang. Akibatnya saya tidak tahu seseorang itu boleh masuk kategori kawan dunia akhirat sehinggalah beberapa lama kemudian. Tempoh masa untuk mengenali/menukar label seseorang bergantung kepada pelan tindakan yang dibuat apabila label diberi semasa pertama kali berjumpa. Contohnya jika pelik+jahat = biarkan dan pura-pura tidak nampak; aktiviti ini boleh berlanjutan hingga sebulan, setahun atau selamanya. Maka selama sebulan/setahun/selamanyalah saya tidak tahu dia seorang yang baik. Kan rugi tu?

Saya amat benci bila saya silap melabel seseorang, tapi saya lebih benci jika saya betul.

Dan saya betul enam tahun dahulu. Sekarang saya terasa kurang bijak kerana tidak mempercayai gerak hati sendiri.

Dia seorang yang menyampahkan + jahat = patut dielakkan sehabis baik dan berpura-pura tidak nampak bila berjumpa. Jika saya patuh dengan pelan tindakan ini, mesti saya tidak sakit hati seperti sekarang.

Sekian.

-------------

nota kaki : orang di Germany memang suka berskandal sebab itu setiap tahun saya ke sana. LoL

2010-05-13T09:10:00.006+01:00

We're afraid of being alone

Yet we hide ourselves from the rest of the world

Walking around with earphones all the time

We're the ones who shut off everyone else

Birds are still singing

Cars are still roaring

Kids are still laughing

People are still talking

We're never alone, if only we open up our ears.

*ini entry untuk orang yang terasa lonely bile berjalan sendiri dan memasang earphones di telinga*

---------------------------------

Hari ini Intan dan Aimee pulang ke Malaysia. Have a safe journey guys =)

---------------------------------

Hmmm...kadang-kadang aku terfikir, pantaskah aku untuk membenci seseorang itu hanya kerana satu kesilapan. Mungkin ini hanya salah faham. Mungkin dia merasa tertekan dengan peperiksaan dan dengan cara bergurau begitu dia dapat meredakan perasaan? Tapi gurauan begitu sungguh tidak masuk akal. Dia lelaki dan aku perempuan(ye aku perempuan); mungkin pada seorang lelaki itu perkara biasa. Tapi sebagai perempuan aku malu dengan ayat-ayat ~~ghairah~~ kurang sopan begitu lebih-lebih lagi bila ia lahir dari fikiran teman baik aku sendiri. Isk. Selama ni apa yang kau pandang pada diri aku?

Dia seorang yang baik(boleh dipersoalkan ke ni?) malah salah seorang kawan aku yang agak rapat. Tapi sayang, aku kecewa dengan sikap dia...ayat-ayat keji itu telah meruntuhkan kepercayaan aku pada dia selama ini. Apa yang harus aku buat?? Haihhhhhh... Harapan aku, bakal isteri kau tidak tahu sifat kau yang satu ini.

Aku bukan benci tapi aku kecewaaaa...

Satu masa aku terasa ingin melempang kau laju-laju - aku puas hati, tapi ape perasaan kau nanti?

Silent treatment - bolehlah buat sekejap tapi dah bosan

Ape yang aku kena buat entah sebenarnya. Kan best kalau aku jenis bersahaja macam budak bilik depan. Haihh..

Maybe all i need is just a sincere apology

-----------------------------------------

2010-05-09T08:09:00.003+01:00

Sajak PMS

Bodoh

Kau memang dasar mata keranjang rupanya

Sampai hari ini aku masih cengeng; muka mencuka

Hari itu bila kau ~~mencarut~~ mengarut aku ketawa sahaja

Hari ini aku terasa marah sampai keluar asap dari telinga

Bodoh

Kau telanjangi aku dengan katamu

Aku harap kau sudah puas

Puas sudah menyakitkan hatiku

Tengok engkau pun aku jadi rimas

Bodoh

Aku bukan cemburu bodoh

Aku marah dan kecewa

Aku rasa aku juga yang bodoh

Patut aku lari dari ayat pertama

Bodoh

Jangan aku membuang masa

Penat aku marah si lelaki buaya

Dia akan tetap mencari mangsa

Aku pastinya bukan yang pertama

Ah persetankan engkau!

---------------------------------

Hari tu tak sempat marah sebab nak exam. Ni dah abis bleh la aku tulis dengan bahagia. Aku tak suka cakap 'bodoh' dan kalo mak aku tahu aku cakap bodoh kat orang mesti dier marah. Jadi berbanggalah kau jadi orang yang paling banyak dapat bodoh dari aku. Tapi sebab kau lelaki yang sabar, aku tahu kau boleh handle it well. Maafkan aku, Bodoh.

2010-05-01T19:04:00.006+01:00

Never before my chest 'felt' this empty

It was so full before, isn't it a pity?

Like a vacuum has suck out its life force.

Heading nowhere, turning around and getting lost.

They're always together since the day I was born.

Now the one called "a heart" is missing, where has it gone?

The heart that felt so tired.

Maybe it'll soon be expired.

It had ran out of burning passion

For love, friendship or fashion(?)

This is my heart I'm talking about

I'd never listen to it as it shouts;

"Take care of me or I'll soon be gone"

"Oh shut up!" I said as I yawn.

"It's the same story again you're just trying to threaten me"

"You'll never go away, you've got nowhere else to be!"

I never listen to my heart as it plea

Take care of it, don't be so carefree

Now that it's so quiet and still

My heart finally left against my own will

Why didn't I listen

I was so ignorant

My dear heart has left me

To 'feel' emotions now I've to consult my frontal lobe

I've nothing else to turn to; it used to be my hearts' job

Never knew emotions are a big burden

Maybe it's easier to fight a war in Verdun

Now there's a big hole in my chest

And of course I look like a big mess

My chest is empty

My heart has left me.

--------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------

...haish..

2010-04-30T15:32:00.008+01:00

My Drama/Movies-To-Be-Watched List is growing..

Cinderella's sister (starring my latest eye candy *wink*)

What's up Fox

Dating on Earth

Sungkyunwan Scandal

Castaway on The Moon

(OMG, it's all Korean!)

Haihhh..can't wait for everything to be over and done with.

Heavy rain in Galway reminds me of home. I almost cried, then I realized that I'm sitting in front of two guys- they could not care less even if I'm bleeding to death(ok maybe not). But I definitely could not ever be melodramatic with the two. Enough said. Blerghhhh~

I don't know why I hate that guy so much. Hate is too powerful to describe the feelings though. I just don't want to see him if possible. Ever. Haihh...

------------------------------------------------------------------

He is like super tall ~ 182 cm, bit shorter than Yunho-sshi(drool)

Hmmm...that long legs + tight fitting jeans = yummmmy (ok NO dirty thoughts, only naughty ones)

Miaoooowww~ Kekekeke

Ohhhhhh CJM, will u marry me oppa?

"It can’t be if it’s not you

i can’t be without you

it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this
it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts
yes because i’m just in love with you"

2010-04-15T08:56:00.004+01:00

tribute melampau untuk kumpulan kegemaran

Dearest Dong Bang Shin Ki/ Tohoshinki,

After years of effort and being THIS HUGE and beingthisclose to conquering the world as-A-unit, why do you have to GIVE UP now???

I am utterly heart broken.

Love,

Your Fan.

2010-04-13T20:27:00.005+01:00

" I love you, darling. Miss you so much."

It has been a while since I last heard those words spoken to me. In fact it was too long ago I've lost count of the days..

Nevertheless, the words managed to hit the very core of my icy heart. It brought me on the verge of tears...but I held it back and say, " I love you too, mum. Always".

I miss HOME sooooooo very much. *sigh*

2010-04-08T16:32:00.002+01:00

amik dari mane tah ni. Apepn msgnye, everything will be okay in the end. Slamat berusaha semua!!

2010-03-31T19:35:00.003+01:00

Ok demi menjaga hati semua pihak, I've got rid of the damned entry. Sorry for being selfish and compulsive.

Selamat belajar semua.

Noktah.

2010-03-27T23:25:00.001Z

Terima Kasih Adik2, Kakak2 dan Abang2 Semua...Doakan kami yer.

*mode tak tahu cuak ke tak nieh*

2010-03-22T20:52:00.003Z

Kempen Derma Buah Pinggang

Today we went over to Merlin park. Kononnye mahu belajar pasal CKD and dialysis. Ok ape niat suci murni. Anyway, sampai-sampai aje dah salah cakap kat Paddy (the van driver). Dialysis centre kat unit 7 bukan unit 1 ok! Maka terpaksa la menapak jauh sikit. Nak pulak hari ni angin dengan riang ria bertiup sejuk sampai ke tulang sulbi. Tulang apekah itu?

Apa pun setelah kami tiba di destinasi, teruslah kami menuju ke kaunter. "Puan, kami ini pelajar tahun akhir. Bolehkah kami berjumpa dengan pesakit di sini untuk bertanyakan beberapa soalan?" tanya Idah dengan skemanya kepada Sister. "Boleh, silalah", jawab Sister yang baik hati itu. Lalu kemudian kami mundar-mandir sebentar mencari pesakit yang sesuai. Setelah menoleh ke kiri dan kanan kami mengambil keputusan untuk menemuramah pesakit yang paling dekat dengan tempat kami berdiri.

Pendek cerita, pakcik pertama tu seperti tengah acute confusion ke atau apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya. Semua jawapan beliau adalah "tidak tahu", "tidak ingat", sudah lupa". Oh apa-apa sajalah kamu pakcik! Lantas kami tinggalkan dia setelah mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih kerana sudi meluangkan masa dengan kami.

Lalu dengan pantas Idah mendekati pakcik kedua (pakcik ini bukan orang tempatan). Pada mulanya pakcik itu seperti normal sahaja. Lalu berbekalkan semangat membara, Idah dan Sarinah bertalu-talu menanyakan soalan. Oleh kerana pakcik itu mempunyai sejarah sebagai penerima buah pinggang maka mereka sangat gembira. Hatta, dengan hati berbunga meminta izin untuk membuat pemeriksaan abdomen.

Selesai pemeriksaan, pakcik itu memandang kepada kami dengan mata kuyu lantas berkata, "mahukah salah seorang dari kamu menderma buah pinggang kepada pakcik?". Pada mulanya aku menyangka pakcik itu bergurau. Pabila diulang lagi permintaan itu untuk kali kedua, ketiga dan merayu-rayu untuk meminta buah pinggang kami.....

Aku merasa lutut aku menggigil.

Dan pastilah malam ini aku akan bermimpi dikejar seorang pakcik ~~India~~ membawa parang untuk membelah keluar buah pinggangku. Oh!

2010-03-21T20:53:00.004Z

Ok CRAPping

Bosannye. Aku nak borak dengan orang yang takkan cakap pasal medic, masa hadapan ataupun isu kahwin. Aku nak cakap dengan orang yang takde satu kaitan pun dengan orang kat Galway nieh. Aku nak borak dengan orang yang boleh buat aku gelak sampai senak perut. Aku nak dengar cerita lain. Pasal memburu ayam hutan ke, cara-cara membina rumah ke, undang-undang bermain rounders ke. Aku nak cakap dengan orang yang ingat MI tu short form untuk Minyak Ikan. Kalau TIA itu ialah 'Tidak Ikut Arahan'. Hahaha..

Lame sungguh terasa diri ini. Sikit sahaja lagi. Marilah berusaha lebih gigih!

Apepun hari Jumaat hari tuh jari telunjuk aku terkepit kat pintu pagar. Sakit. Lepas tu berdarah. Lepas tu kene letak plaster kat jari. Lepas tu aku rase cool gile ade plaster kat jari. Macho!

Ok tu je nak cerita. Haha.

Encik TM, aummmmm!

--------------------------------

Pukul 12 malam. Aku leka main2 kat satu website ni. Dalam ni ada application yang boleh gabungkan muka dua orang untuk melihat wajah anak-anak di masa hadapan. Apepun, ini gambar 'anak-anak' saya (amaran: sangat comel ok) :

ini rupa 'daddy' dier:

Haha. Sila gelak guling-guling. Terima kasih.

2010-03-19T17:06:00.007Z

Mak tak risau langsung pasal 'what if' tu. Tapi aku tak tido lena malam-malam asyik fikir tak henti-henti pasal 'what if'. Mak cerita macam-macam tadi. Pasal menantu, pasal nak tempah baju untuk hari graduasi aku nanti (*cuak*), pasal sedih kalau nak kahwinkan anak-anak daranya (HA HA), pasal telefon papa kene curi. Aku cakap dengan mak, aku tengah tensi yang teramat seperti mahu meletop otak. Emak kata, anggap sahaja ini peperiksaan biasa. Oh emak masalahnya ini bukan peperiksaan biasa. Oh!

Aku rasa selama ini aku memang anak manja emak. Tapi sekarang aku rasa papa lagi cool. Lagi-lagi sejak kakak kahwin, kakak lah permata hati emak. Kakak itulah kakak inilah. Sampai kakak telefon pun emak boleh menangis kesedihan. Sedangkan Segamat-KL 2 jam setengah sahaja perjalanan pun! Ini anak emak yang jauh berpuluh ribu batu ini tidak sedihkah bila terdengar suara?

*emo*emo*

Haha.. inilah dia orang tension. Mama ampunkan anakmu ini~

Lepas tu berborak dengan papa. Papa beritahu pasal nenek. Papa kata nenek tak sihat. Selalu batuk, kaki bengkak, perut macam tegang. Nenek masuk hospital seminggu. Doktor kata jantung nenek ade masalah. Paru-paru pun berair dan ada jangkitan kuman. Papa tengah cerita, tapi aku nangis diam-diam. Dari cerita papa, aku buat kesimpulan besar kemungkinan nenek ade heart failure. Aku mencongak prognosis. Bila boleh jumpe nenek lagi?

Papa tanya aku selsema ke? Dengar aku sedut hingus lah tu. Aku jawab, a'ah..sejuk kat sini sekarang ni. Tak sampai hati aku nak cakap dengan papa pasal heart failure. Aku makin down. *nangis*

Sekarang ni air mata macam hujan kat galway. Turun aje setiap hari tak payah tunggu mendung pun. Hari cerah pun hujan boleh turun. Tengak gelak-gelak pun hati tengah menangis. Sori kawan-kawan aku memang emo.

Aku benci dengan perangai diri sendiri yang suka sahaja menyakitkan hati orang. Serius, aku cungguh cepat membuat mimik muka jika tidak puas hati. Jahat jahat jahat! Saya tidak suka! Bagaimana mahu menjadi orang yang sabar?

*tidak juga habis-habis memikir 'what if'*

2010-03-16T10:36:00.004Z

I was skimming thru my daily mails when I came to read this:

" jom pulun weh, jom pakat2 ligan girls weh, depa sembang ja kemaih, depa laghi laju takpa aih, pelan2 kita peghambat!!!!"

Sekarang ni kalau nak buat amal kene promote macam ni ke? Ligan Girls? Perhambat? Ape tu? Takbleh cakap baik2 ke? Probably cakap baik2 macam terlalu skema agaknye..jadi kene la perhambat perkataan bombastik macam ni untuk menarik minat orang membaca..ke?

Ye la, you'd say I am over reacting..and probably I am. Tapi aku tak suke cara dier cakap ni.

2010-03-10T20:40:00.005Z

today....sucks.

Do I even have to elaborate on this? Probably not. My own fault to begin with. Haih..so not looking forward to Friday.

Haihh....

Haihhhhhh....

Motif gambar?

2010-03-07T10:28:00.004Z

Untuk kesekian kalinya aku terlupa lagi. Hampir sahaja aku melompat dari katil dan terbang ke sana..sebelum kenyataan mengingatkan bahawa - aku bukan Superman. Aku mengeluh, berat rasa hati ini...tidak tahu bagaimana harus aku memohon kemaafan. Genap seminggu sudah tarikh keramat itu berlalu. Namun hanya di sini mampu aku mengucapkan..

Semoga kau selalu di bawah lindungan dan rahmatNya

Semoga kau sentiasa bahagia

Semoga hari-harimu ceria

Semoga segala impianmu akan terlaksana

Semoga senyumanmu tidak akan pernah pudar

Semoga kau sentiasa bertabahan menghadapi masa hadapan

Semoga persahabatan ini akan berkekalan

Aku harap engkau tahu, walaupun setiap tahun aku terlupa tarikh keramat ini.....aku harap engkau tahu..aku sayang kamu.

Maafkan aku Isyqi, aku terlupa lagi. Selamat Hari Lahir.

2010-03-06T12:10:00.001Z

Toki Wo Tomete
Toki wo Tomete — Please Stop Time

Like they are hurrying away, the summer’s constellations
Lean between the buildings and hide away
The days that pass us by
Sometimes, even little tiny things make me want to cry

That store that you said you wanted to go to so long ago
It’s already gone now, but
Every day, the two of us
We believed that our love would never end

I want to stop time, and stay next to you forever
I want to hold you even more
While remembering every single thing about you
I had faith in only forever

I want to stop time, and stay next to you forever
I look up at the sky, and wish with all my heart
One by one, I link together the glistening starts
And I ended up looking for the shape of you

I want to stop time, and stay next to you forever
I want to hold you even more
While remembering every single thing about you
I had faith in only forever

2010-03-04T01:46:00.004Z

Ini malam tidak boleh tidur.

Bermacam-macam tajuk utama melintas dalam kepala. Penat. EXAM. Esok tutorial Gaffney. Tak abis bace lagi Obs&gynae. Kakak nak kawen Sabtu ni? Nak ajak orang dating, umur dah nak masuk 25 tapi tak tahu ape itu pergi berjanji temu. Kasihan. Kasihan ke? EXAM. Rindu mama+papa. Ape la Gaffney nak tanye esok ni? Oh, esok wajib ambil satu history Obs/Gyn. Hari-hari cakap macam ni kot. Haha. Esok ade study group. Penat. EXAM. Eh sabtu ni dah nak dapat abang ipar ke? Oh yeah. Bila agaknya kakak pulak nak dapat adik ipar? EXAM. Summer nak jalan-jalan!!! Hiking. Nak hiking naik bukit. Nak jumpa laut. Nak balik malaysia ke tak sebelum grad ni? Nak kene mintak letter of good conduct pulak sebelum apply kerja sini. Takutnya interview SHO. Ho Ho. Nak balik kerja kat malaysia? Kahwin. Calon? Hahaha. Penat. EXAM. Eh dah final med??? Wuuuuuuu nanti semua orang balik malaysia, sape nak kawan dengan saya?

ok dah la ni. Tido.

eh... tak sengaja tertengok gambar encik itu yang sudah lama tidak tahu khabar berita sejak zaman kolej. Dia bahagia. Sedih. Sampai sekarang tidak tahu siapa itu Mr Nice Guy yang menghantar kad tahniah pada saya suatu masa dahulu. Tapi jauh di sudut hati, saya sangat-sangat berharap itu dia.

Ok, sila tido sekarang.

2010-02-23T09:34:00.004Z

Panas Hati

Wahai Encik K yang disayangi. Mengapakah di pagi hari nan indah cemerlang ini kau membuat aku naik angin? Kalau aku boleh naik angin betul-betul, hendaklah aku terbang pulang ke Kuala Lumpur sekarang juga. Ini tidak, aku hanya boleh terjerit-jerit seperti orang gila.

Mahukan nama penuh, alamat dan nombor telefon?

Waklu!

2010-02-21T02:07:00.008Z

Short circuit-ed

Finals are just around the corner, yet all I could do all day is watching korean/japanese dramas in youtube. Is there any medicine that can help me to concentrate?? I am worried. Can't talk to mum without bursting into 'pathetic' tears. My heart kept longing for 'the unknown'. Yet I am still missing him. Damn. Damn you. Why haven't I able to forget you??? It had been six years and I still could not forget your smile.

Haishhh... I am pathetic I am pathetic am pathetic I am pathetic I am pathetic I am pathetic I am pathetic I am pathetic.

Stop wanting other people's boyfriend Farah.

But then again, all I'm wishing for is - to have someone saying "okaeri" with a wide smile everyday ...and for me to say "tadaima" to. We'd have nice home made dinner, and he'd listen to me rambling about my loooongg awful day. He'd give me a hug and say "I love You". He'll make the silliest jokes and I'd laugh like a silly 16 year old. We'll watch a horror movie and he'd wear a pair of earplugs because he knows my high pitch screaming is due every 2 minutes.

Is this too much of a wishful thinking?

Gila rasa kesunyian sekarang ini hingga terasa mahu mendaftar masuk ke Twitter.

Ohhh sudah-sudah la tuh...mari belajar. Caiyyuk~!

Saya nak jadi Doktor.

Lepas tu baru nak jadi suri rumah. Ha Ha Ha

someday I wish upon a star

2010-01-31T22:59:00.006Z

Rindu.

Aku rindu.

Rumah buruk dua pintu tempat kami berteduh hampir suku abad. Saksi pahit maung mama dan papa membesarkan kami. Aku rindu.

Motosikal uzur kesayangan papa yang mengaum sumbang setiap pagi. Aku sumpah motor itu bila tayarnya pancit, maknanya aku akan lambat ke sekolah lagi. Aku rindu.

Kedai kecil nombor dua puluh di lorong Raja Bot. Bau busuk dek tempias pasar Chow Kit; berhabuk bila kereta lalu. Tempat papa menghayun tulang empat kerat mencari rezeki halal untuk kami. Aku rindu.

Pokok nangka tua di depan rumah. Tempat aku menyorok bila mama sudah mula memegang rotan keramatnya. Siapa suruh malas mengaji? Aku rindu.

Bunyi mesin jahit, bunyi merdu dari radio buruk jenama Sony - selang seli suara mama menyanyi lagu kegemarannya di Klasik Nasional FM. Mama sangat suka meleter, cerita benda yang sama banyak-banyak kali. Tapi semua tahu aku sama macam mama. Dari rupa sampailah perangai, fotokopi habis semua. Aku rindu.

Papa yang pendiam. Tapi sebenarnya papa ada banyak cerita suka duka masa zaman muda-muda dulu. Dia tak pernah merasa hidup senang. Tapi sekarang sudah mula tersenyum bila cerita pasal anak-anak. Alhamdulillah. Aku rindu.

Adik cepat betul merajuk bila aku mula membuli. Tapi asal bagi duit mintak beli jajan, mesti senyum balik. Tapi mesti ada upah paling-paling 1 ringgit. Aku rindu.

Abang bergayut sentiasa dengan telefon. Cita-cita nak jadi juruterbang, tapi koleksi Awek lagi banyak dari koleksi 'A' dalam kad laporan. Aku rindu.

Duwah yang sangat innocent. Aku tak pernah cakap ini, tapi aku sangat bangga dengan dia. Mari kita berusaha sama-sama jadi doktor ya! Dah dua tahun kita tak jumpa? Aku rindu.

Farah yang degil. Kau memang suka buat ikut kemahuan kau. Watak 'penjahat' dalam keluarga kita. Kau yang label diri sendiri macam tu. Tapi kau tak tahu, aku sayang sangat dengan kau. Walaupun kau selalu sakitkan hati aku. Aku sayang sangat dengan kau. Kenapa kau nak kahwin tak tunggu aku balik? Sampai hati. Aku rindu.

2010-01-20T22:52:00.006Z

I know I am not/wouldn't be the 'girl'iest person even if I could help it. I know I am not good at cooking, dressing up or whatever women should do these days. Sorry if it hurt your eyes just to see me passing by. But to have you and other people mocking me for being who I am hurts like being stabbed by a butcher knife.

Thank you.

p/s: Get well soon Najmi!

2010-01-03T12:13:00.002Z

Sakit perut lak sebab masuk angin. Sejuk agaknye malam tadi. Tak prasan lak.

Teringat satu citer doraemon pasal keledek. Keledek ni mmg best ( sume dari poket deraemon tu macam best je aku rase) sebab dier bleh bagi orang terbang. Cara2nya.. Makan keledek tu banyak2..pastu nnt perut akan banyak angin. Ble banyak angin, cube sehabis baik keluarkan dari bawah...Puuuttt..proottt...kepussss.. Camne pn bunyiknye, angin yang terhasil itu membolehkan orang yang makan keledek tersebut terbang!

Kalo aku buleh makan keledek tu, mesti dah terbang je ke letterkenny menggunakan kuasa angin! Hahahahahahaha

2010-01-02T19:25:00.010Z

Have I wronged You somehow?

Tears rolled down slowly...soaking my scarred skin (darn acnes) as I chewed the remaining fried rice. My eyes fell on the deadly looking dried chillies that were swimming freely in between the more appealing sweetcorn. Maybe I had bitten one of them.

Or maybe I was hurt.

My mind immediately tuned to that one person who prepared the fried rice. I must've said/done something utterly unforgivable to keep you so quiet that morning. You walked away without ever once turned back. If you did, you might see me crying. My naked face drowned in tears and disfigured by complicated frown. I looked uglier than I already am. Nevermind that.

The truth is I always managed to deeply hurt the people that I love the most. I know this will eventually happen to you too. Only that I wasn't expecting it to happen this way.

I am a walking, talking and breathing disaster.

Like sweet Ben&Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownies ® that wrapped your taste buds with delight, you kept coming back for more just to one day realize that your weighing scale starts to give you 'false' reading(s). You (so very much) wanted to blame the extra glasses of water you've drank in odd mornings, but deep inside you knew the innocent looking ice cream is responsible. Now the extra fats clung firmly to your flabby hips (not that I tried to imply you have flabby hips) and it would take you about 1000 sit ups to get rid of...and like rubbing salt to the wound, you have to be parted with your favourite pair of jeans (the only one that makes your legs look skinny) for several months. You cringed thinking how something so pleasing could result in a disastrous ending.

I am like that Ben&Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownies ®. Pleasing but disastrous.

I may have babbled too much. But this is the one last thing I want to say. Sorry that I've wronged you.

2009-12-28T23:51:00.006Z

You're Beautiful (rerun)

I've been listening to that same love song eversince..er..err..
Anyway, it was so obvious the song wasn't meant for me. But why do I keep wishing that the sweet lyrics are ~~dedicated to fulfill my private pleasure~~ your way of expressing your neverending longing for my love?? HA HA HA
Please stop this silly dreams.
*humming the tune a.g.a.i.n.*
---------------------------
If someone decided to get married, I should be happy, why I kept crying like an idiot again and again? This is so not healthy.

2009-12-25T09:21:00.003Z

Masa berlalu dengan pantas. Sedar tak sedar dah 10 hari aku kat cni. Banyak kisah suka duka dan air mata terjadi kat cni. Aku kat cni datang melawat dua keluarga tempatan..

1) Rumah Mareike
Mase sampai kat rumah pertama ni, aku masih kekok dengan budaya orang kat cni..segan2 pulak nak salam dengan mak Mareike. Mak dier pun kekok je nk cakap ape dengan aku..hehe..makcik ni comel la.. Ble dah stat borak2 sket, barulah diorg at ease sket, ble tau aku ni pandai gak gelak2 buat lawak sume. Hehe..makcik dier siap kate,"i like u" sebab aku ni agak2 pandai menyesuaikn diri dengan family gathering diorg walaupn Mareike terpaksa translate setiap perbualan.

Esoknye mase breakfast, takbleh blah btul ngan menu yg terhidang. Segala jenis ikan ade, smoke salmon la jeruk hering la..tapi feveret aku hering dalam mayo+herbs. Mak dier tau kot aku suke sangat mende tu siap suh aku abiskn satu bekas. Hahaha.. Tapi yang buat aku terharu, sebab diorg tau aku tak makan 'ba alif ba ya' maka sepanjang aku kat rumah tu, tak pernah terletak menatang tu kat depan mata. Diorg mmg respek abis la ngan tetamu. Menu hari2 mmg ikan. Ayam/daging tak halal pn tak pernah mak dier hidangkn. Ni satu benda yang aku rase kite sume patut belajar tentang menghormati tetamu. All and all aku rase best sebab rumah ni dipenuhi kasih sayang dan gelak ketawa bila semua ahli keluarga berkumpul untuk krismas. Aku pun terasa macam balik kampung beraya la pulak, walaupn sepatah perkataan german aku tak paham. Tapi best jugak tgk meriahnya suasana setiap hari..

2)Rumah Katha
Bila sampai kat rumah lagi satu, kedatangan aku disambut dengan peluk erat dari Katha dan emaknya...tapi aku tahu, hati mereka masih sedih dengan pemergian orang tersayang tak sampai 3 minggu sudah. Bile sampai rumah aku mmg nganga la tgk saiz rumah yang kalo ikutkan 6-7 kali ganda dari rumah aku sendiri kat Malysia. Mak dier siap bagi aku satu bilik sendiri(kat rumah Mareike pn dapat bilik sendiri actually). Pastu toilet sendiri. So mmg selesa la aku rase macam tetamu kehormat.. =)

Tapi dalam kemeriahan menyambut tetamu/hari Natal aku mmg perasan yang Katha, adik and mak dier akan tersentap bila teringat2 si ayah yang telah tiada..so kalo tiba2 Katha peluk adik dier/mak dier aku pun tahan diri dan air mata sendiri.. Diorang mmg tabah melawan emosi..tapi masa kat meja makan setiap kalo dinner/breakfast, mmg tampak la kesedihan tu. Banyak tersenyap je dari bercakap. Katha bgtau selalunye adik lelaki dier akan makan untuk dua orang, tapi sepanjang aku kat sane even aku makan lagi banyak dari adik dier kot..haih..

Sedih..tapi aku harap diorg akan melalui hari2 seterusnya dengan tabah..tulis2 ni tetibe rindu lak ngan family sndri..
------------------
Sekarang aku kat rumah Isyqi, dier nak exam final dah 18 Jan ni..aku plak menyemak kat cni. Huih....rase bersalah btul.

2009-12-14T19:13:00.003Z

I'm down to my last bar of snickers.. I am an addict.

Akan ke Germany dalam 2 hari lagi.

Mahu ajak Isyqi pegi Bodensee..dah tiga tahun bercita2 tapi tak penah sampai. Akan bersetujukah beliau?

2009-12-10T21:47:00.003Z

"I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful"

Howl

I want a Howl..

and a magic castle, with an adorable magic fire called Calcifer!

.......

but for now a Howl would do just fine.

2009-12-09T19:19:00.008Z

Jerawat

Membuang masa mengusha gamba2 lame. Tetiber terdiscover ~~satu~~ dua menda...

1) Teruknye kulit mukaaaa! Buruk betul dengan parut bagai!! Patut la ble balik msia sume orang tanye, "ape dah jadi dengan kulit ko??". Tak pernah realize actually kulit muka masa dlu (walaupn takla mulus kudus macam Siti Nurhaliza) tak la seteruk sekarang. At least dlu tak segan nk amik gamba closeup. Skang ni....isk2..nk tengok cermin pn segan. Segan. Haihh..

2) Eh dlu awak ni hensem jugak ek..hihi =p

-------------------------

hari ni merasa ultimate homesickness. nak balik nak balik nak balik nak balikkkk

Jawe, bungkus aku skali dalam beg ko bleh?? Tenkiu.

-------------------------

Nota kaki: FarmVille has been hidden from your News Feed.

In the future, you won't see posts from FarmVille.

c u soon bebeh. miss u loads!

2009-12-02T00:12:00.015Z

even if these tears rolling..you wouldn't come back. Would you?

I was not trying to create any misunderstanding when I wrote this.

I just miss those moments when we argued over a mole on your upper lip - the one that you wholeheartedly believed had made you one step closer to looking like Dean Cain.

I know you hate Korean/Japanese dramas..but I'll tell you this anyway. Bogoshipo..

Bogoshipda Lyrics (Stairway to Heaven OST)
Singer: Kim Bom Su / Romanization by Kreah

amuri kidar-yodo nan mot ka
pabo-chorom ulgo in-nun noye gyote
sangchorom chu-nun narul wae morugo
kida-rini tto-nakaran malya
bogo-shipda bogo-shipda
iron nae-ga miwochil man-kum
ulgo shipda nae-ge murup kkulh-ko
modu optdo-ni-ri twel su it-damyon

michil dut sarang-haet-don kiyogi
chu-ok-duri norul chatgo it-ji-man
to isang sara-ngiran pyon-myonge
norul kadul su opso
iromyo-nan dwe-jiman
chugul mankum bogo-shipda

bogo-shipda bogo-shipda
iron nae-ga miwochil mankum
midko shipda orun kirirago
norul wi-hyae tto nayaman handago

michil dut sarang-haet-don kiyogi
chu-ok-duri norul chatgo it-jiman
to isang sara-ngiran pyon-myonge
norul kadul su opso
iromyo-nan dwe-jiman
chugul mankum bogo-shipda
chugul mankum it-ko-shipda

credit:

http://kreah-craze.com/list-of-korean-romanized-lyrics/

2009-11-28T14:11:00.011Z

Serba Bersalah

Ade seorang lelaki ini. X namenye..kami sekelas mase darjah 3, dan beliau merupakan rival saya untuk mendapat nombor satu periksa akhir tahun. Akhirnye saya yang berjaya menggondol title tu, beliau mendapat nombor 2. Hahahaha!! (motif saya cuba berlagak dengan kisah lama ialah??)

Abaikn.

Anyway beliau telah berpindah masa darjah 4. Tak jumpe dah langsung..sampai la beberapa tahun kemudian.

13 tahun kendian..

Kami bertemu semula dalam sebuah gathering mini budak2 skolah..

Beliau dan saya mula la beramah mesra..

Sms skettt...

Kol skett...

Cerita2 pasal masa lampau..saya tak kesah...member jee..

Tak lama setelah itu, terbukak pulak citer masa kini dan masa depan..

Saya tak kesah...member ajeee..

Lalu suatu hari pabila bliau memulakan tajuk 'Mari berjumpa mak ayah saya', terus diri ini menjadi kompius...member aje ke ni? Oh~ (mungkin di saat ini saya assume beliau serius, lalu saya menjadi segan silu) tak terkata..maklumlah tak pernah orang ajak jumpe mak ayah dengan nada serius. Sebagai gadis melayu sejati...bukankah diam itu tanda setuju?

Lalu nk dipendekkan citer tak lama selepas 'kisah mak ayah' dibuka, beliau terpaksa outstation kerna hal keje..lalu kami putus hubungan selama sebulan...katanya takbleh sms atau call kerna di situ kalo bawak henpon bahaya.. bleh letop "kebaaaboooooomm~~!!!" tempat keje beliau nanti. Saya diam je. Malas nk tanye banyak2..nnt kate saya pompuan jenis 'clingy' la pula. Saya bukan. Saya cool.

Sebulan kemudian (tanpa khabar berita dari bliau)

Seperti biasa saya menerawang di alam siber dan menyelami laman Facebook..terlihatlah saya sesuatu yang mengejutkan.

X telah menukar status dari 'single' kepada 'in a relationship'...dan gambar beliau berpelukan mesra dengan seorang pompuan yang agak-agak tak terkawal keseksian terpampang megah di profile.

Kamu semua ingat apekah perasaan saya pada waktu itu?

Macam beg berisi sampah yang berbau busuk lalu dijauhi oleh semua...lalu tinggallah beg sampah itu sendiri tanpa siapa yang peduli...

Sebab ni bukan citer beg sampah yang tak bleh menangis macam manusia seperti saya, maka dengan syahdu saya pn melayan jiwang buat seketika...nasib baik ade kawan-kawan yang pandai menghiburkan hati. Walaupn mereka tak pandai buat silap mata/aksi comel macam ikan lumba-lumba, tapi dengan bantuan mereka akhirnya saya berjaya jugak mengatakan, "Blah la, ingat kamu best sangat ke?". Walaupn hanya berjaya dituturkn di angin lalu dan bukan kepada X sendiri, saya tetap bangga..tapi tidak pula saya menjadi riak.

Setahun kemudian...

Seperti biasa saya menerawang di alam siber dan menyelami laman Facebook..terlihatlah saya sesuatu yang mengejutkan.

X telah menukar status dari 'in a relationship' kepada 'single'...dan gambar beliau berpelukan dengan seorang pompuan yang agak-agak tak terkawal keseksian terpampang megah di profile kini tiada lagi.

Kamu semua ingat apekah perasaan saya di waktu ini?

2009-11-23T21:41:00.006Z

Neighbour

I've got to be honest, I was not entirely in cloud-9 when the crowds said they're planning to move in next door.

OMG...I've had terrible headaches just thinking about attire restrictions and god knows what other restrictions on some crazy things I always do in the backyard (e.g. cat chasing, bird feeding, long-jumping, bad singing..sigh..). No, I was not sincerely smiling when they said the landlady agreed on them moving in. Farah-not-happy.

Actually it wasn't as bad as I've had imagined(so far). Since it's raining all the time + everyday anyway, backyard and attire restriction is out of the question. Besides, I've no one else in the house at this moment and the prospect of having people I could trust and run to whenever trouble come knocking on the door..well, it's does make a little different on how things look to me now. Not that I'm expecting trouble to come rolling in..and I've stayed alone in the house by myself LOADS of times before with no trouble whatsoever; but having crowd of people I know as neighbours makes this house feels.....a lot warmer.

2009-11-22T10:46:00.006Z

Loss

I received a devastating news about a friend two days ago. She emailed me herself to let me about it. I was taken aback by the suddenness of the tragedy and didn't know what to do/say/how to react. I was completely at loss. The only thing that had occurred in my mind was(and still is), I want to be there beside her, give her a hug...and let her know I would always be there for her.

Dear friend, I am deeply sorry for your loss. It's hard to imagine what you're going through right now...I'll pray for your heart to stay strong while going through this moment of grief..

Dear friend, I LOVE you to bits. You've sent me a glimpse of sunshine when I was feeling down and I hope I could do the same for you.

2009-11-19T22:36:00.007Z

Boleh tak berangan kamu nyanyi lagu ni utk saye???

CINTA~~~

--sebab bliau pelat, maka lirik tu agak tak btul. Tapi sebab comel saye mahapkn la kamu encik Tae Kyung!!---

lirik sebenar:

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my life with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you..

---------------------------

*nak cakap banyak sebenarnye tapi lepas abis berangan nnt la*

2009-11-17T01:45:00.002Z

one day i will say i love you

and you could DO nothing else but say i love you too.

congrats Kakak!!!!!!

2009-11-13T18:11:00.005Z

Eh, ade network connection baru..

'Bujang Senang'????

Hahahahahahahahahahha~

.................................

isk isk iskk...viikii ni kan waktu klimaks citer la dier nk crash. Crash waktu lain takbleh ke? And u suppose I would understand hangul????? Ottoke??

Lempang2 baru tau. Aaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jiwa kacau!

..................................

*5 jam kemudian*

wah oh oh~~

"i will grant u permission to like me"

sapekah penulis skrip? mau lempang anda juga kerana berjaya menulis cerita secomel ini, bleh?

2009-11-08T00:10:00.014Z

Tibe2 rase nak makan sushi. Hmm..sedapnye..

Tinggal satu minggu lagi kat MGH.

Tinggal enam episod je sebelum YAB abis.

Bosannye.

Ni yang rase nk buat skendel musim sejuk lg ni. Hahaha~

Tapi kalo ikutkan since second year, mmg every winter mesti ade skendel. Takbleh blah tul. Membuatkn aku rase dreadful gle stiap kali winter datang. Haishhhhh! Ble takde skendel br ni, mula la nk igt skendel2 lame. Ape2pn aku harap mereka(i.e. mangsa2 skendel saye/saye mangsa skendel mereka??) berbahagia selalu ~~buat jahat dibalas jahat, ingat yee~~..

Aku mmg selalu doakn yg terbaik utk sume orang, tak kira la yg jahat atau baik(uwek uwek). Wohoho..tibe2 terigt ayat diri sendiri kepada Encik Baju Biru (skendel lame yang hampir berputik smule), "Bless my kind heart..I know I am such a good person". Kalo kitorg duduk kat dunia anime musti dier dah tergolek jatuh dari tempat duduk dier dan gelak guling2 ble dengar ayat tu. Haha... Tapi kat alam ~~dan~~ manusia ni, dier cume gelak dengan sopan santun je la.. Hei Encik Baju Biru, saye mmg baik ape! At least saye takla mengaku saye suke awak pastu peluk awak sampai awak rase serba salah. Ok la tuh sebab saye cume imagine saye buat camtu jer. Waaahh meliarnye imaginasi..

Hoii rupenye banyak shaitan kat keliling niii...

----------------------

Lately sume kate aku dah BERISI (kata ganti yang sopan utk mengatakan aku dah GEMUK). Salah ke gemuk sket? Tak comel ke? I rase I comel je! (kenapa, salah ke kalau saya tak sedar diri??). Haihh... *memicit lemak di pinggang*

Haihhh..

Takbleh buat cheesecake la sampai thn depan..

----------------------

Oh...bosannye....

Tetibe teringat ayat lazim yang slalu cakap kat mama bile dier mula bukak topik feveretnye 'Adik Takde Sape2 Ke?'.

Jawapan wajib saye, "Sape yang masuk meminang adik dlu, tu la dia bakal suami adik. Adik terima je kini dan selamanya" (ok, part kini dan selamanya tu overstatement melampau). Apepn nk cakap kat cni, camne kalo yang masuk meminang tu..

#Pakcik tua berusia 40 ++ tahun?

#Encik yang gatal nk tambah koleksi isteri yang ke-empat?

#Duda anak tiga?

#Pakcik boroi dengan pinggang berukur lilit 60 inci setengah?

TIDAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh baikla lepas ni takkan jawab camtu la kat mama. Wohoho!

--------------------

Oh bosannyee...

nak balik rmh n buli Mokmon

2009-11-06T02:10:00.005Z

Cinta.

To have you next to me

-precious

To be laughing together with you

-precious

To watch you

..as you're slowly drifting to dream-land

-precious

Didn't realize you're so precious to me

until that moment we had to say goodbye

I wish the journey would never end.

2009-10-29T23:09:00.012Z

Mengapa..kau buat ku ketawa...

terbahak-bahak

tergolek-golek

lalu ku lupa diri

ku terlalu gembira....melihat kau beraksi selamba..

-------------

namun..

sepantas kilat kau merubah perasaanku

meruntun jiwaku

mengalir air mataku kernamu

setiap saat sentuhan jarimu

setiap detik jelingan manjamu

hatiku menangis...

kerna aku sedar ku takkan bisa

memilikimu..

--------------

sebab kau dok korea nuuuhhh

oh tae KYUNG!!

**nah lagu utk kamu**

===my heart curses at me because I can't even say I love you===

___________________________

I still remember years back when korean drama started to invade the country...I couldn't be bothered to even catch a glimpse of what's on the TV. Apa kelas tengok drama Korea??? But there was one person; there would always be this one person in the house..who would be sitting in front of the TV, precisely 10 minutes before the dramas started. That one person who would be laughing out loud/trying to hide the streaming tears, the only person whose passion on such lame shows I thought I'd never understand.

Sometimes I do pity that person because mum would always openly give her opinion as soon as the montage for the drama was on air- "whoever watch such dramas are sadly sentimental person; I'd never watch such shows; etc.". Every once in a while I would give my two cents in that discussion and yeah, it would be something that is totally agreeing with mum's. It later became sort of a rule in my (sad) life - I WOULD NEVER WATCH KOREAN DRAMAS cos they are for sissies. Ohhhh yeah~

That person never said anything against us. A totally quiet and obliging audience who'd always be there 10 minutes before the show. This behaviour was slowly killing me from the inside - I was dying with curiosity and I could not take it anymore...and so I decided that I HAD TO bend the rule for once. Ape best sangat ke drama ni??

One night as that person begin taking the usual place in front of the TV; I sat quietly beside him. He said nothing, eyes fixed on the TV. And then the show was on. I shrugged my shoulder, and wrapped my hands around my knees and was expecting I'd bore myself to sleep in the first 5 minutes. Two minutes later, there was an unusual uproar in the living room and mum came out running - she could not believe her eyes, finding us laughing out loud at some random silly scene - me and Dad as we watch korean drama together. Epic. Mum went on with her sissy jokes, but we totally ignored her. And in the end mum gave up teasing us.

Dad, I should say thank you for introducing these addictive dramas to me - but now your dearly daughter is not only in love with Korean dramas, she is deeply in love with the actors too.

Haihhh...I miss home.

2009-10-26T15:17:00.002Z

You're Beautiful
Same DOB(!!!!)...plus they both look similar in certain angle though the Korean version is hunkier, and the other version is getting fatter..(LoL).

I have too much time for self-entertainment. ~~Ok, saye merepek dengan jayanya..~~

ADOI...still, this is slowly killing my poor heart...

kill kill

die die..

Germany in 54 days~~~~~ (pfuhh pfuhhh..)

2009-10-25T10:56:00.005Z

I've been in a really really foul mood lately. Seen my glass as half empty most of the time, I could not be satisfied/happy with anything. I hate this feelings. I hate it!! Grr grrr..

----------------------------------------------------

I'm going to Germany again this winter...finally to visit some locals.

...and due to curiosity and my current melancholic state, I tried listening to the song "Cuba" by Faizal Tahir. Boy, as soon as it begins I started to feel like someone's rummaging through my closet that is neatly stacked with skeletons. Darn!

Gahhhhhhhhhhhh... no emotional breakdown please.

Homesick homesick homesick.

2009-10-15T18:32:00.005+01:00

Amir Jerung added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know Amir in order for you to be friends on Facebook.

And I'm suppose to JUST smile and accept it? Heh, even the name is a big give away. NO!

Okay, I'm bored. So forgive me if I want to brag a little when someone with a really exciting name actually wants to be friend with me in facebook. Awwhhh...

current song in mind: Miniature Disasters by KT Tunstall

HAPPPY BIRTDAY IDAH!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------

~~in this long and lonely night, I realized that I'm still holding on my first ever ever ever crush. Sigh...~~ Can I at least cry?

2009-10-09T21:54:00.003+01:00

WEEKEND!

what medicine book? hehehe...

PEACE